also, you're talking to the girl for whom "deformed baby arm" wasn't quite a dealbreaker.
you can't get genital warts from dogs can you?
What a good family we'd make, him and I and our kids and his good dick.
She took a break from repeating "my face is still buzzing!" to say that the phantom of the opera could be here
I guess wearing a straight up bikini to class is an early indication that Thirsty Thursday has started.
He wanted to take a picture with our pizza to show his mom that I was pretty but more importantly that he practices in "sober" activities
You insisted we help some homeless guy put up posters for his missing pet alligator so we left you there because they were really just Chinese takeout menus.
Does taking an old homeless guy to the strip club, buying him lap dances, and calling him pops all night count as a good deed???
Oh my god and he smells like heaven wrapped in a beard of knowledge
She was way too drunk so I dropped her off at her house and smoked a huge blunt with her mom.
He was gunna drive a half hour for a makeout sesh. Time to take the diapers off and learn about the wonders of the penis, dude
Apparently she "missed me" and the only logical solution was to fuck my brother.
In retrospect i can confidently say that the last two months of our relationship... i was only in it because i didnt wanna lose my list on his netflix account.
all of these bad things happened because I didn't bring a shower beer.
Nope. I'm an adult now. I can successfully avoid to vomit in defiance of the porcelain god\n
Randomize
