If Billy Mays did an infomercial on your dick, it still wouldn't get you laid.
If one more person calls me a lesbian I am going to have to give you head in public.
i was blowing him and "what if god was one of us" came on his playlist. I had to leave
she gave him a mild concussion from throwing him against the wall in an attempt to dance with him. gotta love monday nights at the sandbar.
Yeah it was hard to find an opportunity while fucking him to say "oh the reason my lips taste so salty is because i blew your roomate 15 minutes ago"
You mailed him a break up letter, because you thought the "joy of receiving a letter" would ease the pain of you dumping him.
Life gets in the way of sexy Saturday sometimes
Alright, text me when you get close. I've got a mustache and I'm ready to get my day drunk on.
I was dancing with a blow torch in one hand and a bowl of weed in the other
I just said give me penis or give me death. Some patriot is rolling around in his grave right now.
I have vodka and 50 pizza rolls best spring break ever
Just watched a middle age white woman scream WHY DON'T YOU GO FUCK YOURSELF, HELEN?! Helen seemed absolutely scandalized.
She wanted me to stick my dick in the birthday cake she got me
Will u make me a "6 month anniversary of being single" cake??? I wanna celebrate
If one more dude who finds out I'm a cop asks to see me in uniform I'm gonna become asexual
Randomize
