3 deer just ran past us on the street. At least I get to see some tail tonight
How do i write this on his wall without making it sound like he gave me an std?
i told the doctor i drank a college amount of alcohol. judgemental prick
I blacked out, started puking and peed on the guy I was hooking up with. Mid hand job.
How old are you? 14? Who gives hand jobs anymore?
Salt in an open wound right now.
dude she looked like Newman from Seinfeld I'm done with this wingman shit
At some point we were all eating banana flavored rolling papers.
Ya he's the booze devil, like if the black hole and Bermuda triangle joined forces with Captain Morgan
That money I left you should go to the stripper that fell asleep in your bed. Sorry
I just threw up in my front yard because my roommate was in the bathroom. Fuck New Years Day.
All I really remember is thinking that the music looked like beautiful lizard waves in my head
I WOKE UP IN A FUCKING DOG BED HOW DO YOU THINK I FEEL
I'll call it a tollerance break and either will be celebrating my new job with a bowl or will be smoking my sadness away from not getting the job. Either way.
We had a One Night Stand 6 months ago but he just Facebook invited me to his wedding. Who the fuck does that.
I mean I'm sad it didn't work out but tbh he he can't unlick my booty hole or unbreak his headboard... He won't forget my name ever
Thursday is not a good day to become a felon... It's bingo night
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