i just realized that we are the poor version of bethenny and jill from real housewives... and I'm jill. this is a 6.5 on the depressing scale
at least we're not in new jersey
Just role played anchorman. And yes, I did take her to pleasure town.
We've had the 'life would be so much better if we were both lesbians' conversation too much for that to be okay.
Everytime I sleep with him he gives me another hint to what his tattoo means. I'm like a slutty Nancy Drew.
i almost hope i AM knocked up so i can ruin the rest of his life
I woke up with my bra stapled to the ceiling, her dad was in the hallway winking at me. I was the less drunk of the bunch.
As one final fuck you to the courthouse i'm paying the rest of this ticket with sacajawea coins.
I just want to go to their admissions office and show them the video of him taking the flaming shot, and be like yeah...you let in the kid who lit his entire face on fire over me.
My roommate is either deadlifting a bus or having sex. I can't tell which
Don't forget ur talking to the master juggler. Remember that time I slept with 3 guys and made them all pay for plan b? Paid the rent didn't I?
Then mom squeezed my boob and said, "Dad would go nuts if I had these..."
I made $80 at the club last night by telling him he was like a wild pony and I just wanted to tame him
This is the I'm sorry text for running around yelling don't shit on my rainbow, end up in the fetal position crying at 4 am in my car because someone shit on my rainbow
It's not even a normal fucking affair I've found myself in. It's a fucking bdsm clusterfuck.
i have officially smoked myself stupid. went to wally world to buy soap and toothpaste but got 4 potpies and 2 dessert pies instead. fail.
Randomize
