i'm the matthew mcconaghey of this party. i'm too old, and too high.
thats what you get for writing a paper after liquor pitchers
its only a rough draft.
Romantic bubble bath turned into splash war. We can't be adults about anything.
its 4am. im standing over him in my bed eating chinese food, on the phone with dan trying to convince him to break up with his gf. whoredom.
You get home ok?
Uh, you stopped by my house at 4 am and woke me up, so yeah.
You know those twins i had a crush on in grade school? Just woke up between them. Best. Party. EVER.
Yes but funny for a 45 year old hell bent on reliving her college days by giving body shots and hand jobs. Not necessarily in that order
that's the first time I've heard "shenanigans" and "apocalypse" in the same sentence
Still not over the fact that we prayed to Jesus to help us win beer pong
He literally said I should watch game of thrones while I was blowing him like is this the conversation you want to be having right now
Anyway. I unfriended all of these people like a grown up and I am never talking to them again
Turns out he's just a recently divorced IT guy. Not a wizard.
This might be the worst thing you've ever done.
Really? I feel like I've done worse. Guess I gotta step my game up.
She told me to take deeps breaths and I said I said YOU FUCKING TAKE A BREATH CAROL IM SURE IF YOU WERE IN MY POSITION YOU WOULD HAVE OFFED YOURSELF ALREADY and she said my name is Becky 😂
You walked right into the door. Even the door guy and security guys were laughing.
Randomize
