What the fuck I just showed up to court still drunk and the judge told me I smelled like his wife
Changed my mind. Wearing a dress. Casual, with a side of breasts.
DID YOU JUST COME OUT THROUGH A FACEBOOK COMMENT??
did you by any chance leave me that 7 minute long voicemail of you running and constantly tripping into bushes?
Being drunk at the hospital is better than i expected. I got to hide and play in the little kids waiting area. Btw no one is hurt
seriously my hangover is so bad I feel like my eye lashes make blinking a workout
I went from innocently day drinking to waking up handcuffed in jail. Fuck you game days
It's gay pride weekend and Father's day.. So in honor of the occassions I am now BI
I'm in the sex attic, crying, eating french toast and taco
My underwear are in the stairs so apparently I did take the dog out.
I just remembered that last night I seriously contemplated swallowing the cap to my toothpaste
What did the sign say that bob stapled to his ass?
I should have known when she said it would be "fun" we'd end up in the hospital
Ur creepiness is now affecting my life and I'm not okay with it
Don't drink and try to take a shower. I thought I was drowning
Randomize
