he broke up with me so i peed in his bed
And then a tiny penis fell out of my purse
He only uses me for sexual pleasure. The sad part is I don't even feel like a slut. I just I feel like I should just live in the top drawer of his nightstand....for free of course.
No fireworks. Throwing the old microwave off the deck.
Overall win. We all know who got to sleep on the concrete outside of Denny's with you.
So another one of your girlfriends from middle school had a baby. Thank god you are gay, otherwise you would definitely be a dad by now.
Hes wearing a shirt that says warning shitshow and i cant help but think his attorney made him wear it so ppl know the dangers.
Whatever happend to that lawsuit where he got sued for shittig in that fish tank
The only explanation I can think of is that he still likes me. Which gives me an enormous amount of power over him and makes me laugh with malicious intent.
I feel so nauseous and all I want is string cheese. My life never makes sense.
You called me last night and said you had a vision that a cat made you a sandwich. You were tripping way too hard
I'm so hungover that I just wrote up my will because I'm afraid I'm gonna die. I'm leaving you my bong.
I finished masturbating now I'm eating french toast crunch. What is life, and what are friends.
I really love you gals. I'm sorry again. I'm just super protective of my poutine
The highlight of the night was definitely when you starting telling ppl you could shapeshift and "proved" that by stripping.
my liver is dry heaving
Randomize
