with your own penis?
I jusy said out loud "gingers unite in the middle of the night"
i had a dream that your penis turned into a long neck dinosaur
did it start talking like on Land before time?
Things I've learned: after you move in with a girl it's much less satisfying to wipe your dick on her sheets after sex because now they're your sheets too
going to class early so i have time to go on the moonbounce. this is why i go to art school.
Stuck behind a lady in her 70's purchasing a plastic handle of vodka and nothing else. She is writing a check. Hello future.
I took a few sips of my hugeee bottle of liquid Vicodin and smoked my one hitter and now I'm going thru my attic like Indiana Jones
Not going to lie- I'm a little freaked out camping right now. This is one of those high activities you don't do by yourselves...or close to bears
Beat the bartender in a shot challenge for a free tab. I won that, and him. I never get tired of the "this is my first time with a guy.." bullshit.
How do you even...
The magic of Christmas. And whiskey, of course.
I met a gypsy today. She told me my soul animal was an owl and says she will now remember me as "Owl Girl".
i just hope we're both dead or in prison at the same time
He fell asleep during FOREPLAY. Sober!!!
Im outta here as soon as my phone charges wtf
someday i'll meet a man and who loves me as much as i love getting drunk and starting fires
Where are you? Where am I? Why am I so red?
He brought me a bottle of Jack, got me off 3 times, & then left. This is the best fakelationship ever!
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