Im wearin a dollar bill hat and tgkin a big girl home. Lifi is gmwnd
can "i'm close!" be our safe word(s)?
oh geez, wrong person.
I'm not saying he was bad at sex, but I'm pretty sure I anti-climaxed.
i wonder what thom yorke's orgasms sound like
i'm lost and i look like a hooker
i love that when i tell my kids and grandkids about how we first met it will be about this little thing called a "poke" on facebook
if i find out your the one who pierced my belly button im going to fuck your sister again
We're like Siamese twins, but joined at the genitals.
I don't mean to complain but you could have done a better job of keeping me alive last night
Want to FaceTime and watch me finish this bagel?
I felt like a personal hot pocket and all I could taste was cigarettes.
He kept saying I needed to go to the hospital and it just made me want to call him a pussy so I went to bed
At least you didn't get an invite in the mail to your fuck buddy's baby shower like I just did. My life is a sitcom
The cat ate a weed mint. This is not a drill
I got really stoned and got my certification as an ordained minister. How productive has your day been?
Randomize
