Dont you think its a little early in the relationship for sexting?
Im a photoshop master, i successfully reduced the size of the pupils of all the girls I made out last night with to prove they were not that drunk. So glad the camera goes home with me.
the 24 hour champagne diet aint going so well
you took him to the bathroom with you to pee and told him he had to hold your hand..but he couldn't turn on the lights because you didnt want him to hear you peeing..and still got laid. i wish i had your life.
I think we can all look back on last night and categorize it under, " reason why Cory can't be left at the bar by himself"
Registered sex offender is the model in class today.... There are too many things wrong with him getting naked in front of a lot of college students.
I guess? According to Jeff his mom is wondering when the grand babies will arrive. So I don't think they like ME so much as my supposed functioning uterus
Youre not supposed to get arrested if your parents fly you home for christmas!
True but this has the bonus of them maybe not wanting to fly me home next year, im good with that didnt wanna go in the first place.
You left your underwear in a sandwich bag on my kitchen counter.
I'll admit it. It was a bad idea to sneak a fart out while she was taking a nap. Can you bring me a pair of underwear from my dresser. Preferably the one with the walruses in party hats one.
I just want to smoke this blunt and eat pizza rolls while watching The Price Is Right with you.
He has great taste in girls. I feel closer to my Eskimo sisters than my real sister...
We spent 45 minutes searching the crevices of our friend's car with a pair of tweezers trying to find the acid that we dropped
You are a super loving wife. But did you, at any point since Thanksgiving, slip me half your bottle of stool softeners?
I hate that I will forever be known as the girl who puked on the front lawn. That only happened once.
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