She looks like Robin Williams dressed as a frog.
I feel that my census will not be the first census submitted soaked in beer
because whats more american than sleeping with a westpoint cadet on the 4th of july?
Please tell me that text was part of your elaborate Brett Favre costume; otherwise, dude, wtf?
Judging by the amount of alcohol multiplied by the amount of her exes here, tonight will be ending in tears.
Btw, I'm creating an event on fb to celebrate the one yr anniversary since we went to jail.
Your maid of honor is passed out in a golf cart on the 18th hole.
I have the Everlasting Gobstopper of boners right now. It's kinda like a gift from god, but I don't want to spend anymore time with this girl than I have to.
Dude she's on meds. He has a ginormous penis. Ur A dumbass. That concludes our feelings chat. Dim Sumday?
I just want to go to their admissions office and show them the video of him taking the flaming shot, and be like yeah...you let in the kid who lit his entire face on fire over me.
Note to self: Don't go home with a recent divorcee. Semen and tears.
I feel bad for his balls. Ive never seen so much sperm. He had to be dying
You called me last night and said you had a vision that a cat made you a sandwich. You were tripping way too hard
I remember telling you that I think Taylor Swift has stolen my essence. I still think that's true.
I think I fell asleep on my pizza last night. Damn, I am sauccccy.
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