Haven't eaten in 11 hrs. I am gonna have so much material to talk about with anorexic girls now
Seriously, I'm delusional. Idk how these models even walk on the runway
Hey I found your number in my phone i dont remember how we met this is richard btw
strange i dont have your number must have been a drunk thing
could be more
absolutely not
Making out with married ex girlfriends: priceless
I hate how you keep a running list of people who have seen me naked.
on of the only things i remember was the security guard told me i was too drunk for laser tag.
unfortunetly they frown upon drunk on duty paramedics
OK! No more randoms over for the next month this is the third fucking time I caught a naked dude drinking my OJ in the middle of the night.
He showed up at my house, drunk, proclaiming that he needed to fuck me...my dad let him in
I'm hoping my engineering degree will pay off when I invent porn watching in the shower
cops tried arresting me on the way to class this morning.. this is my life.
I left the brick of cheese in your car! Keep it at Moderate Temp! It's my precious!
I felt like the hulk waking up from a black out except with munchies
A blind guy just told me that even he could see i was gay and encouraged me to chat up the girl behind that counter bc he thinks we'd make a cute couple. Are all Canadians this helpful?!
I'm shotgunning a meatball sub and watching flip or flop. i have reached a new level of singledom.
THEY LEFT ME IN A CLUB BY MYSELF. I’M SO ANNOYED. I’M GOING TO FUCK THEIR BARTENDER FRIEND. Caps only because I’m really mad.
Randomize
