I think I kinda wanna bone that ginger from Harry Potter.
You literally just made my flesh crawl.
i blew a .213 what kind of thug blows the compton area code exactly? this guy
there's a guy on campus handing out business cards. you pay him to see if your girlfriend will cheat. the company name is "tying up loose ends"
You don't know the meaning of what the fuck until you wake up naked and alone in someone's bed staring at a dead squirrel on their dresser.
I just wanted to yell " i am not a shake weight!!"
Yeah I tried to leave with 3 drinks and the bouncer wouldn't let me, I slammed all 3 right in front of him and football spiked them in the trash can
he let me wear his jacket and there was a magnum and a bowl in his pocket ... I think im in love
She was so morning drunk she asked the lady at brueggers for a bandaid and my self respect back
There was just a girl standing next to me on the train, wasted, wearing only one shoe. I so wanted to pat her on the shoulder and say "oh honey, we've all been there"
Wait, tell the rest at happy hour. I wanna be able to interrupt you with my loud cackles and stupid questions.
I broke my heels and ended up on a random party bus where I passed out after a brief stripper pole incident.
I didn't pay $79 for lingerie for you to cum in 30 seconds
Watching the series finale of Friends and crying in my Thai food. I don't like hangover Jared.
Who knew removing piercings would be so radical?
woke up with a tree in my apartment. also the everclear bottle is suspiciously low
suspiciously? i think one of those explains the other
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