He kept starring at my ass and repeating "Its Just a beautiful piece of artwork."
She calls her new ritual "bed, bath, and beyond crunk". Hence why I found her passed out in my bath tub this morning.
we seriously had to hang a plastic bag on his ears so he could throw up right into it.
Just remember that she is a giant dick-sucking forehead and you are better than that.
Hey if there is a better reason to go drink then "I've been fucking robbed!" I have yet to hear one. Also, I've been fucking robbed.
Well you know it's going to be an interesting night when the bathroom attendant is doing hail marrys
You do realize how pathetic it is when the woman who does your bikini waxes has seen your vagina more than I have
We fed him just...so many bright colored crayons when he was blacked out. I hope he looks at his shits because this could be all for nothing
Also, I found your gauge.
I found it under my pillow like a gift from the Sex Fairy.
His exact words were "Can I meet your vagina?" I kept wondering if he was going to try to shake hands with it...
If you don't fuck me hard, rough, and senseless the minute we're alone in your room, I'm returning you to the boyfriend store
Turns out the bartender I fucked is the bar owner. WHY THE FUCK DO I PAY FOR HALF MY DRINKS? IS SEX NOT TIP ENOUGH?
You have cats and a ten year IUD. Embrace it.
I wrote him a note at the end of the final. I'm hoping I can flirt my way in to an A or B
And then there was cum in my hair and he was making beans.
Randomize
