Keeping hand sanitizer and lube in the same drawer in the same size bottle = awful idea
I wish you could see the look on my boss's face right now.
wtf?
Before you passed out in the middle of the NHL 10 party you had to prove that you were a better fighter than Patrick Kane. Your not. Thanks for the black eye dipshit.
hah yeah. there was a kid puking in the bathroom and this idiot brings in a potted plant and was like "yeah he's like, not getting enough oxygen"
Gay walks of shame are so much more Amy Winehouse than straight girls
heey were did you guys go? last time i remember seeing you i was throwing up in the fountain
How was the bike ride?
Nope. High in the basement. Fruit cups.
We should probably just have a threeway and get everyone on the same page.
i've been hiding in the laundry chute for like thirty minutes from her. not my manliest moment. but dude this is awesome
More cowboy butts than you can shake a stick at, oh joy.
you didn't want to pay for the shots so you negotiated with the bartenders. Apparently 1 shot is worth 5 seconds of motor-boating you.
Next time you're baked eat baked beans and potato chips together. Like dip them in the beans. It's so good
It's like the first time your mom catches you masturbating. We both know what she saw. We're just not talking about it...
What even was the context for that. All I have written down is "I would vote for President SnakeJaw."
Im pretty sure breakfast wine is a thing, and if it isn't, I just invented it
You sat down in the middle of the road and started crying. We told you "Get your ass up or we're leaving you here." You replied "They'll findddd meeeeee" and ran after us.
Randomize
