please come you make the beer taste better
We had a complete conversation while I was giving him head, at one point he even stopped me and said 'I love how we're just hanging out.'
Things I love twice as much when drunk: Taco Bell. Office chairs that roll. Classes.
I had a dream last night that you and me were eating cheesecake and according to my FATHER I was moaning really loud in my sleep. I seriously have issues.
How is it possible that i have sex with a guy and he makes YOU breakfast
I just had a heart to heart with a stripper I'm becoming a dentist.
he confused my yawn for an orgasm
I need to get my pants from under your porch. People are asking questions.
Successfully masturbated while balancing on an exercise ball. my greatest accomplishment?
Probably
Don't you realize there's more to life than sex and pizza rolls?
I actually want to work out for some reason... I think it's my brains way of telling me it doesn't like living in a fat body.
I taught a straight girl about grindr today. She showed me tinder. It was like some sexual cultural exchange program
Leaving Denver airport I just saw a group of young Republicans in matching green T-shirts that said "4/20 Baby!"
I gave myself a charlie horse masturbating this morning. I feel like that really set the tone for the day.
I will be DAMNED if anyone but me breastfeeds my cat.
Randomize
