Dude, I would hit that so hard that whoever could pull me out would become the king of England
To make up for the snow days we missed he's making us write a paper on alcoholism. It's like he knows.
She was that classic mixture between "Hell no" and "Why the fuck not."
Yes, yes she is. This will teach her not to pull her vibrator out and harass people with it at parties.
I wish they'd wear their tampons on the outside. At least gimme some warning
So for future reference.... it's a little unnerving when I can't get hold of you, and the last communication we had was, "Oh fuck... It's tequila"
Maybe it's just my body's way of telling me I don't need pinky toes. Like I'm the next evolutionary leap or something...
He sent me a picture of his dick earlier so now we can all laugh at him tomorrow
How many other adults do you think have slept naked under the Winnie the Pooh blanket sober?
She said I had a really great aura. Which I think is hippie code for "I bet you can give me a mind melting orgasm"
Not sure what time I'll be home. I'm currently topless and the damn stripper won't give me my clothes back
okay yeah but you've seen me eat jambalaya naked
According to timehop today marks the 3rd anniversary of my 1st blackout
So if I run into you on the street, I'm supposed to just stop drop and suck your dick?
I woke up in a warehouse with the words “Property of Adam” written on my chest in frosting.
Randomize
