They woke me up at 6am and made me drink a bottle pf champagne yelling "champagne breakfast!"
Jazzercise themed birthday pub crawl. 6 bars in 6 hours.everyone was a hot mess.
Also I had a dream we made my birth control into a joint. What does that mean?
Yea dude. I'm gonna be the life of the party. THIS BITCH GETS DRUNK BY HERSELF
Dude she said she'd let me snort a line off her ass now I just have to wait for them to break up
Meanwhile I'm working a fucking flute workshop and I'm one high c away from shoving a flute up the asshole of the next passerby
Hey do you eat chocolate chip pancakes with bacon in?
DO NOT MAIL ME A PANCAKE
i sent my dealer a picture of the money i would pay him. i also told him i would pay him in cheez-its if he would prefer that.
Haha no we did it on his bed. Then rolled off into the bean bag. It was a strangely athletic performance on my behalf.
Should we go get some celebratory "I'm not pregnant" tacos?
Just woke up to find that I'd left a stove burner on for the past 6 hours or so. I'm now banned from Ambien cooking.
Best part about losing weight and not fitting into your pants any longer? They come off quick for chipotle emergencies.
I think sunday funday got a little out of control. There is cheese slices and BBQ sauce all over the roof and 4 empty bottles of vodka in my room.
You need a new phone. When you talk it sounds like the teacher from Peanuts while she's trying to give a blowjob.
OMG. When you threw the used condom on your floor you threw it in my purse!!! I just went to grab my headphones and it was stuck to them!
Randomize
