so on my way home this naked dude runs right in front me his weiner at half mast screaming i'm only doing this cause its a 50 dollar dare
Puking blue powerade in mcdonalds parking lot to the applause of the guy taking out the trash with man in the mirror blasting in the background. Good morning stl
His housemate was playing a sad violin solo for me on my way out. God I hate musicians.
You sucked the drug dealers dick for a 20 of coke...?
Nooo, I payed for that. I sucked his dick because I had an urge.
I just fucked my ex's ex's ex. Love quadrilateral complete
Fun new game when high: sorting socks. Took forever. Was awesome.
Dear future Eric, sorry about the Everclear. Sincerely, Eric +2 shots E.C.
TONGUES ARE JUST MEAT TENTACLES IN OUR MOUTHS OMG
HOW ABOUT I DON'T WAKE UP TO THESE TYPES OF TEXTS
Also I'm sorry for asking you to shave my vagina for me last night
She knew the head wasn't all that so she gave me her taco. I'm will in to give her a second chance.
I just had sex with the Sheriff's Deputy. You should call me.
Life if anyone rolls up to my funeral with shitty weed get them out of there
I think my biggest regret in life is not banging you in the science museum
I'm pretty sure I have PMS because I almost just cried about not being able to find a place that gives acrobat classes here.
I mean she's doing calculus in her head to prove how NOT drunk she is.
Randomize