you might want to delete the history when you're done using the computer at work. did you ever find out what the white balls in your throat were?
This situation is one cop call away from being a Lifetime movie.
That's it, I refuse to live in a world where sparkly vampires beat Batman at anything.
I finally had sex with him last night, but we used a condom so it doesn't add to my number of sexual partners.
You were competing with my dog to see who had the stronger bark....
He looked down at his phone and screamed "I'M NOT A DAD!" and then bought the entire bar a round
I don't want the last thing I hear while alive to be Jesse's Girl
It wasn't until I took a shit, that I remembered that you assholes started spiking my shots with tobasco when I wasn't looking last night. Dicks.
I just threw out a whole Christmas ham, 12 positive pregnancy tests, 3 empty vodka bottles and by ex boyfriends Latina porn collection in the same garbage bag. The homeless person who goes through the bins tonight knows I have nothing left to loose.
Yes. I am getting trashed on an open tab while judging a karoke competition
Impressive. I approve.
Someone is in my phone as "fireball girl" and keeps texting me. How do I go about finding out who it is?
All I know is that I'm not gonna send out SOS messages via twitter for your rescue this time.
I just hope when I turn 21, it doesn't tank my entire semester.
well he got me up crazy early but i got pizza for breakfast and an electric blanket to sleep with sooo he passed the one night stand test.
The free coupon that printed out with the purchase of my plan b emergency contraception was for allergy meds. I feel like a coupon for condoms would've been more fitting in this situation.
Oh wait. It's for wart remover. Fitting, afterall.
Randomize
