I wish i could clap on, clap off my penis
:( I miss blowjobs.
This is probably the strangest conversational segue we've ever had.
you are the weird ass hat to my lady gaga
Fuck now we have to have sex
What?
In a bet, need to win
i figure i've seen his cum stains on the floor, i'm allowed to say these things.
Nope we're in the ER. He lit himself on fire trying to impress another girl with magic tricks.
I want to hump her dimples until her face caves in.
So many issues. You honestly need help.
I can't find the keys to get out of my front door, there are random socks in my bicycle basket and I can see a plastic handle of cheap vodka sitting on my porch. oh, and my head just broke u with me.
He cheated on me in real life. I can cheat at words with friends.
You almost set me on fire last night.
You probably deserved it.
ive cried into many a lonely burritos..
You were naked with a chalice of Skittles vodka, singing along to Les Miserables.
Side Note: Everyone in my office is getting engaged and having baby showers. And I'm all like, fuck your joy, I just want more string cheese in my life.
ayo
its like you know when i get waxed
How many times do I have to tell you I'm not bisexual.
.....unless there is alcohol involved
Randomize
