Wow senior week shows you new things about yourself
Is this the I'm gay speech?
he's a bartender at a gay strip club. maybe he can work his magic. with getting u in, not gay magic.
you told the cop you blew a .08 because you ate poppy seeds
I am in the hospital with a broken wrist because a guy told me that if I punched him it "wouldn't hurt." it hurt. me. Thank you 11 jello shots.
She gave me head because I gave her my pack of cigarettes...And you said quitting would be hard.
The last thing I remember before blacking out was telling Jamie that she was too fat even for my standards. The first thing I remember after blacking out was waking up next to her.
I distinctly remember seeing your nipples from the deck.
Pants-less sunday? Also I'm high and independence day is making me cry
im coming over
4 girls from the bar, me, strip basketball. here. NOW
Judging by the garbled spelling in the calendar reminders in my phone, drunk me really wanted sober me to take a pregnancy test today.
I want Samuel L. Jackson to stand beside me and narrate my morning shits.
i wear a size 32DD bra. its basically impossible for me to get a speeding ticket
No one will ever find true happiness until they have gotten stoned and taken off the bra they've been wearing all day.
You, my dear friend, are a poet of the deep mental longings of women worldwide.
He told me I was "too flexible." Excuse me?
I told the cop I was late for a booty call. He still gave me a ticket but he wrote his number on it
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