You know im sick of people that are still obsessed w obama. that was sooooo last year
my boss made my mugshot into an 'employee of the month' poster.
Im celebrating the fact that the one guy who has ever denied me has just come out of the closet
your ex girlfriend just barged in my house, drunk, mumbled something about "car strip", and put a huge hole in my drywall with her head.
At some point tonight the bad ideas in my head became bad decisions that happened outside my head
I was laying there trying to sleep and then he sat up, took out his dick, and put it on my shoulder. It wasn't even hard- it was just casually perched.
You wanted to thank my penis. You wanted me to take the condom off so you could touch it and thank it.
I'll make some time for you! I don't know how long you need to get off, but I should only need 2-7 minutes, pending what kind of socks I have on.
We're going to work out tomorrow I guess but it usually consists of doing weights for 10 minutes, then saying fuck cardio and going to Taco Tuesday
Told my prof I have mono so that he won't judge me when I show up hungover and looking like shit to class every day.
Just skip
Please. i have SOME standards
There's going to be a velveeta shortage. I'm not drunk any more, this is just dire info.
I'm going to three dry weddings this month. I'm flashing three dry weddings this month
He called me saying he got nice rims for his car so now we can fuck in style
I don't know which is worse, the fact that his name is Kevin or the fact that he has a pornstache.
He passed out while I was riding him but stayed hard long enough for me to orgasm. He definitely earned the blow job I’m going to wake him up with in the morning!
Randomize
