Why am I getting the stink eye from these people? They're acting like BYOB isn't kosher in a laundromat.
how do i say "thank you for the blowjob, but never talk to me again" without crushing her?
Can I get a DUI with a shopping cart? I've nearly hit 2 displays and little girl...
It's like his dick is pushing through his pants and driving him over here.
I'm currently bartering with this guy so I can fuck his bi girlfriend. We're at 5 pizzas and he gets to watch us make-out.
she made sit in a corner, drink nothing but water and told me she was worried about me because i picked up an irish guy at a taxi rank. says the girl who invented tequila night and fucked a guy in a park across the street from a sweet sixteenth.
She didn't need to know her brother was thrown out of a bar for getting head on the dance floor. You're a shit head.
I swear she's a drunk klepto...by the end of the night she had stolen 3 bowling balls. HOW DO YOU STEAL 3 BOWLING BALLS?
I said geronimo as I came I'm not sure if he appreciated the doctor who reference or was just confused
Hello and welcome to the game 'Matt needs weed'! Rules are simple: first one to find a bag wins the fabulous prize of getting stoned with yours truly. Thank you for playing and good luck!!
I was on my way last night when some asshole yelled "make better life choices" out the window of his car. I felt so self conscious I went home.
The instructions say refer to specific course material, but I'm in no mood to reopen this awful book that caused me so many lost hours of drinking.
Yeah FUCK THAT NOISE
They gave me patron and potatoes I couldn't say no
He claimed he was the best ass eater of the south. He was right.
It's 2 am on the long weekend and what am I doing? Sitting alone in my room eating chips and queso and watching Rio. Fuck I need to get laid.
Randomize
