May have just accidentally purchased an iphone on Kate's credit card. This has potential to be bad.
either way he was missing a nipple.
I have a great idea. you just need to get pregnant.
Mother, no, i will not talk about this again. Please stop planning my unborn daughters life. I will not put her in pagents. That is trashy. Stop watching toddlers in tiaras. It is also trashy. I love you.
I'm like 99% sure I made out with Kevin Spacey last night. Not good.
You never realize how many sex toys you have until you have to strategically hide them while moving out of your dorm.
She uses my penis to point at the tv when we talk about the shows. I love her
he told me my vagina was like a beautiful piece of salami
hold on, were in the kitchen painting a yellow brick road to my vagina on my leg with black light paint.
I'm skyping with my parents and reading Cosmo articles on giving great head. I'm on a roller coaster that only goes up, baby.
There's still helium in the tank I found in the garbage outside the bar!
Made eye contact with a friendly neighborhood dog walker while violently puking out the window. How's your Wednesday going?
I won't trust your judgement until the word stripper doesn't make me laugh
My frontal lobe is being piloted by Jack Daniels right now.
I need a guy who can see in me what the lesbian community sees in me
As a friend tho, you have the biggest dick I've ever seen
Randomize
