the bitch is dead man
YOUR DOG DIED?
no i meant my mom has passed out .. so i'll be over soon.
Gave out candy dressed as a porn star...bet you can guess how the mothers kept reacting.
We had one of those mutual "I know your on a dating website, I won't tell if you won't" glances.
my mothers day present is going to be not puking at the table during brunch
now that im off birth control, the world is a much scarier place
She was mid-sentence and then BOOM the hammock broke off the tree. I about pissed myself. Hot Sprite and Vodka make the world go round.
Home. Barefoot. Drunk. Crying. Puked. Brushed teeth. Washed face. Dying. Need Cuddle.
I think i can hear god laughing at me and yelling "thou shall pay for thy habits of underage drinking" through a megaphone directly at my eardrums
Normally this is when girls give blow jobs. That's how you mentally condition them to put up with PMSing, because they see the shinny blowjob light at the end of the tunnel.
Do u like your dick pics shot in hotdog or hamburger orientation?
If tits could talk, mine would be bragging
Keywords: shitstorm, police, jail.
At one point my little brother was Rocky Balboa'd by a stripper's tit
I'm to the point where I just want to get back at him in a hot man sex tornado way.
His junk had piercings everywhere. The dick and balls. It was a fucking pirate penis.
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