You were parading around the bar chugging girls drinks and then asking them if you could buy them a drink. It was actually genius
I will return your cat, I saw a mouse in my apt last night and your door was unlocked, it seemed really practical
Playing hide and seek with all those cheeseburgers... Not our finest moment.
She passed out in his mom's bed and when we went to go get her she went 'no its cool I live here'.
The ice cream man just told me to use protection.
That one dude should feel honored if he were to get herpes from you. Fuck that Guy. He is a herpe.
Yoga may not b such a good idea for me today. My liver is obviously in cahoots with my colon to pay me back for the past 24 days of misuse . Downward dog could have catastrophic consequences.
I can feel your movements against the shared wall we are leaning up against. It makes me feel as though we are one. Queue Pocahontas song...
He asked if I was going to squirt out my bday candles. I'm glad the perversion doesn't stop for special occasions.
Sweet! It'll be a "that-minor-I-used-to-serve-alcohol-to-is-no-longer-a-minor" party!!!
Honestly who turns down a free blowjob?
I wanted one last NYC adventure and I got it. Now I just have to figure out a polite way to wake up the pantless former stripper illegal Russian immigrant street violinist chick currently in a vodka coma in my bed.
I also fell asleep on the side of a tree so like I hit my lowest point there but it was a good time
Not as bad as when you were sitting in the pond getting fed water
i'm growling thTa how much i wNn slwwwp.
save me some of whatever you're doing i'll be there in five.
I’ve looked at so many mouse vaginas in the past week
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