She punched me in the face after i pulled it out and grabbed my cell phone. Ill be the one hiding in the bushes with one shoe.
Wow senior week shows you new things about yourself
Is this the I'm gay speech?
I couldn't get internet on my iPod in this hotel room for porn, so I made due with UFC.
I'm not sure what to say to that.
I woke up to 'call me' written in red lipstick on my chest. Thats the hottest/sluttiest thing ever. I win at LIFE!
I'm passing your future prison.
new excercise plan: walk a mile get a bj then walk a mile home
There's nothing worse than waking up naked on the beach covered in sand and a family walking by.
my purse only fit my wallet or the martini shaker. it wasnt even a question of which i was bringing.
There's a good chance a guy sucked off my right earring last night
I might come over. Something about you makes me matronly and I have this urge to nurse you back to health with soup and a blowjob
My mom comes home from her weekend with her lesbian co-workers and asks "You wanna know how I got these bruises?" I've never been more torn about anything EVER.
I feel like you can't break up with someone on 420. It's against stoner code
Apparently I offered the cop my Taco Bell.
Desperate times...
I know I'm not a hook-up kind of chick but he is a firefighter & an EMS worker. I felt like maybe I'd be a good person if I let a good person inside of me
The usual, icing my vag with a chimichanga.
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