I told her I would melt her with my mustache. Needless to say, he pants were soon off.
It feels like he gave my taint an indian burn.
He asked about stds. I told him I don't have any... which I don't. They are now called sti's. Whooopsie
High as balls & about to be tanning. Helloooo 15 minute vacay.
doing shots has become such a natural thing to me that i just instinctively swallowed listerine
Wish you were here....
And I wish your mouth was around my cock, but that never happens, does it?
Drunk me thinks I can light up a cig anywhere, sober me finds this hilarious and highly irresponsible. The grocery store is not a bar.
So I found the perfect "Yeah I gained weight since high school but it went to all the right places" outfit for the reunion this weekend.
Want to come over and rub aloe on my tits?
If you do that, i will make all sorts of uncomfortable comments about my nipples being soft
Somehow ended up home, probably had something to do with the makeshift ladder from my second story window. Now headed to church, still drunk, and still fighting back the vomit of a thousand different alcohols. Successful night.
Go makeout with Mickey Mouse so we can get FastPass tickets
So I told him "To answer your question yes I am naked making pizza pops in your kitchen"
I think he may actually care that I call him slampiece instead of his real name. Who knew he had feelings?
Help. Why am I so naked?
Randomize
