Fuck you I wanted that fabulous flaming homo to win american idol...its like we lost the gay marriage vote...again
we got back to my place and he started talking about feelings. i politely told him to leave and that he managed to cock block himself.
The only pictures he has from one of the biggest football weekends is an album titled "I miss my dog" filled with tons of pictures of his dog and him. This relationship must end.
obviously my correlation between being a pro surfer and being extremely good in bed was 100% wrong.
I listened to the last 10 minutes of that 20 minute voicemail, it's solid gold. At one point he literally suggests we buy tasers and go around shooting people.
just put an icicle in the bong. best/worst idea ever. i think i can taste global warming right now.
Good, she had spurs on her boots. That is a sign for instant herp attack.
Turns out, his fucking is as lame and staggered as his NFL career.
get back quick. that 17 year old who peed on your car wants to do shots.
I'm going to go out on a limb and say last night was a success, also the neighbors are counting down the days until we move out.
He put himself in the friend zone by calling me dude all night so I blew his friend. Judge me.
Lesson: Never rollerskate with a 40 in your hand unless you have a destination.
I'm currently deliberating if I'm going to be too drunk on New Years to handle wearing false eyelashes.
I hope April is a better month for dicks. March has been very disappointing.
Naw dude theres seriously a lobster in my sock drawer. Why?
Randomize
