The bar is filled with bros right now. Sucks I had to pay $5 to find that out.
Guy having heart attack in McDonalds. Classic.
I'm pretty sure we put the facepaint on during whippets
I'm watching i used to be fat. I've been doing crunches for the last half hour yelling at the slut on tv to stop crying and do crunches.
I woke up next to her will a oven mit taped to my cock. Dear god, I might have tried to use it as a condom.
I cant believe they held hands while getting simultaneous bjs
So im guessing you dont remember the walk home, where you layed down in the alley and began to sing "threes company too" and when i told you to get up you had the nerve to tell me i was to drunk.
Im done having sex . he ruined it for me after he said " can we use my penis as a shovel ?"
Given he decided my interview was a date, showed up drunk and insisted on carrying me everywhere, we weren't off to a good start.
most desperate stoner moment might have been when we filled the bong up with pond water
desperate times, desperate measures
It was all going fine until I had to chug that strawberita bud light. That really ended badly.
Saw a girl outside my apartment shotgun a bud light, then a red bull, get in her Tahoe, and drive 4 people away. Gotta love thirsty Thursday.
She started snoring post sex, so I drunkenly walked 8 miles at 4am to go fishing. Please come pick me up
Sometimes self-care is taking a shot of vodka and moving on.
You asked me how red your eyes were... they were shut.
Randomize
