she was pretty much dry humping my leg when her boyfriend walked in. he says "you should probably leave." all i could come up with was "YEAH, I KNOW!"
There is no excuse for watching a Jesse McCartney movie.
So I used the "I've never cummed from a BJ before" line last night.
And that worked?
9 for 9! Not only does it give them a goal but they have a sense of accomplishment afterwards.
One reason I don't come to Portland. I saw 8 guys I have had sex with last night. At the same party.
By 8 I mean 9.
And by 9 I mean 10.
It was perfect I came I passed out in his comfortable bed then a glass of jack Daniels fell from the bed post and spilled all over my face
Have you resumed life with the rest of the world yet or are you still huddled in the fetal position while wearing compression gear?
Chipotle. Because when you've had diarrhea for 6 days why not just make it 7
Weird come down, just saw a woman on the train go to grab something and realised she had terrifying hands. They literally filled me with dread. I don't think I'm ok.
I bet my lungs hate me more than my liver
That's a hard toss up
Like we just had a bunch of sex and then he threaded my eyebrows in bed lol. It was amazing
So I'll bring my machete and we can smoke your shit.
Out of context, that is a hilariously scary message.
Is there one of me peeing? If so do I look bangable in it
Remember that guy I fucked last month? Well I'm watching his dog this weekend while he's in the Bahamas with his girlfriend. What is my life
We're going to get naked and build a fort instead. HAPPY NEW YEAR!
Nobody on Tinder wants to give you a Blumpkin.
Randomize
