Just saw my gyno in public. Weird to see her hands outside of my vagina.
eating mexican with the mother in law. this meal made her decide to tell us about her colon cleansing diet
miscarriage! now THATS a gift from god.
Made it home ok. Only got hit by one car.
he fucked me to the beat of the construction going on outside my house. i will never look at jackhammers the same ever again.
i would never take his side over yours. you coulda gotten knocked up from another dude and i'd be right there next to you blaming it on him saying some shit like "his sperm were just too sub par for you" or "shoulda had a bigger penis"
Went to take a shower. Brought my wine, forgot my towel.
STOP PUTTING PICTURES OF JONAH HILL IN MY KITCHEN CABINETS!
How's Vegas?
Woke up with a sculpture of my own head. Been trying to find Ashley for two days. so pretty not too bad.
We almost got stabbed in the nuts last night. Don't worry, we're alright.
Honestly my life is shambles over a married man who looked like a fuckin NERD ON HIS WEDDING DAY
The Easter sex puns were too abundant
Got kicked out of the club and woke up at a frat house. Good night? Couldn't tell you. I got a date out of it I'm glad someone thinks my drinking problem is cute.
You have ten minutes starting with this message to get here. Or I'm putting my clothes back on.
I think it’s appropriate to celebrate the start of mother’s day at the bar with the men that almost made me a mother
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