This just in: Jon Gosselin's address-The Alexandra. I bet if we showed up he'd date us.
She said she didn't have time to shave "there"
Then she shouldn't have had time to order the lobster.
How does, "Im sorry I was such an intoxicated bitch, I didn't mean anything I said" sound as an apology.
Vodka + horseback riding = vomit in the saddle bags
No see this is how It goes: guys will fuck virgin girls. But girls don't really want to fuck virgin guys. So you're good have no fear.
I am not saying a eulogy for your vibrator.
He just compared himself to a majestic butterfly in regards to the lack of girlfriends. i don't even know what to say.
nothing says 'im willing to leave my comfort zone for you' like letting you choke me during sex
It was honestly the most delicious alcohol I've ever drank, plus the added risk of going blind from methanol poisoning really enhanced the experience.
I had to explain the gravity bong to my mom. Right after she pointed out I have a lot of dicks on my floor at any given moment.
may or may not have figured out a way to make my mom a drug mule to bring me ecstasy...
He kept walking up to every girl at the party saying "Hi, I'm George Clooney. No I won't marry you." He left with three girls.
Are you kidding me????? How bout, IM SORRY FOR CALLING YOU 16 TIMES AND LEAVING YOU A TWO MINUTE VOICEMAIL OF MYSELF THROWING UP.
the first cop to show up was this girl who hooked up with our home ec teacher in high school, she knows about questionable decisions
How is it possible that I'm still a virgin and you've managed to have sex in a cheetah print onesie TWICE
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