she came over and started getting naked and said its not like i came over to just hang out
youve hit the jackpot
We can make salsa ya know, maybe even some hot sauce. That doesn't mean we're married.
Just saw a drunk guy marching down the strip with a garden rake. I feel compelled to follw him
He doesn't need a wingman, he needs a miracle
Decided against hooking up with creepy stalker guy for a ride to work. I feel I've earned a few self respect points back.
Just now remembered singing Trashy Women at the reception. Not karaoke, just sang along with the mic I stole from the DJ. All while still in my dress drinking champagne from the bottle
I wish pancakes were everywhere. Just pancakes. I want lilies at my wedding. No dress. Just priest. Just lilies.
I figure that my generation of my family needs an alcoholic. I'll take that burden.
It's one of those things you just need to see in person at least once in your life. Like Niagara falls or some shit. His ass is the Niagara falls of asses
I got so drunk last night that I drunk texted myself. "hand jobs are the currency of the future"
C'mon pople!!! THursday afternoon isnot gonna drinkin itself!!!
I had a dream that I had to take a breathalyzer but then it turned out to be a bong....why can't that be real life?
By the power invested in me i promise you hot wedding sex at my wedding.
I may be going to Mexico. I just met a drug dealer at a strip club. Seems legit.
Or is it distressingly heterosexual?
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