Make note: the first date is too soon to make the "condoms are only for making balloon animals" joke.
I woke up naked this morning and I found out that I thought I was Adam last night and Eve was my wife so I ran naked saying I was in the Garden of Eden and I could shit wherever I wanted.....too bad the garden was in my friends apt.......I spent the morning cleaning and have reached a new low
I just wiped my vajayjay with snow. Bad idea.
I finally beat you i just fucked my professor last night!!!\n\n
sry, psychiatrist trumps professor
That's fuckin bs. I had the bouncers beat by 30 yards til that dumbshit on the moped stopped in front of me.
how did my horoscope know i was too hungover to operate a stove.
...I can smell the alcohol on your breath through that text
You were outside cuddling a rock singing Bohemian Rhapsody.
It was everywhere. My dick was a sprinkler of lost future children.
So he drunk messaged me last night telling me he wants a baby. Think I should call his bluff?
I don't think the TSA would be too happy. Who knows if three ounces of lube will be enough for us?
As my straight cousin I need you to answer a question. Are the Astros a baseball team, and if so, are they good? This is flirting related and time-sensitive.
He went out to smoke and when he came back I was still in the same spot naked and unable to breathe.
All I could say was, "ladies and gentlemen, THIS is why I drive 30 mins"
GOVERNMENT SHUTDOWN NO RULES ICE CREAM FOR BREAKFAST woooo!
MY COWORKER IS ATTRACTIVE AND I DROPPED A SONIC THE HEDGEHOG JOKE IN CONVERSATION I FUCKED UP
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