i think i just puked on my phone
we live great lives
i hate this class. from the way they're all staring you would think they've never seen a girl in basketball shorts, heels and sunglasses.
He's either a really good actor or an actual prince, I'm fine with both so I'll sleep with him.
Even after projectile vomiting watermelon on the beach, it still sounds appetizing.
I'm drunk at the doctor. It's not that fun. Overrated in fact.
Ps, did you know if you google "drunk jenga", you're the first image that shows up?
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
By the way, I'm pretty sure your husband is publicly advocating more BJs for my husband, via Facebook.
I have effectively turned laundry day into a drinking game.
I feel so nauseous and all I want is string cheese. My life never makes sense.
She yanked on my limp dick and I yelped, to which she slurred something about starting it like a lawn mower
did i make more ranch sandwiches last night
you had 4
Dude we gotta go back to your cabin. left glenn. he's calling me crying and still drunk
I'm going to get high and eat ice cream until the pain goes away. You're welcome to join.
If my birthday doesn't end with my panties hanging from a ceiling fan, I'm holding you responsible.
Randomize