Any girl that compares her vag to a hot ham sandwich is beyond a slut
margarita wednesday is really going to dip into new year's eve thursday
Have you ever seen a midget fist pump? BEST. THING. EVERRRRR.
I probably shouldn't have slept with him. I feel like that may have given him the wrong idea.
I'm not being over dramatic, but I think my heart is going to stop beating.
He's trying to impress me with how much money he makes. How does he know me so well?
I think online classes were designed around the concept of day drinking.
He expects to fuck my tits but will ignore me in public.
Bro, you're like, my right testicle. Can't go anywhere without you.
I need you to perform a face transplant. Please remove your face from your accounting book and relocate it to where it's most needed - between my legs.
Nothing says I'm committed to you for all eternity like letting him wear crocs to the wedding
I want falafel more than sex right now. That's really saying something for me...
After sex he brought chocolates and said he loves RuPaul's Drag Race. How many points does he score for that?
Wtf happened last night
You traded your bra for a shot so I'd say you probably don't wanna know
I hate waking up to a room that reeks of bad decisions...
Randomize
