don't go home with that guy from jersey
i know, not worth the blood test
I had a dream last night that I was the one that killed Biggie
Vibrator and massage oils got stopped at security. Super.
I dare you try and top an Eiffel tower full of Margarita
Do you remember puking up your retainer into the toilet and putting it right back in your mouth?
I think rendering her infertile would be a valid community service project
Our new goal for this summer is to fuck so hard we lose his security deposit.
We got to his house at 7am and two random guys were on the couch shot gunning beers saying we were late for the party
Are you still going to come over for your post Alcoholics Anonymous beer?
I walk in and my mom has a Christian workout program playing. It's like, gospel music with an "electronic" beat to go with it. And then they try to save your soul at the end. I hate being home.
the cops are being surprisingly chill about david hanging from a tree with no pants.
Remember that time a drunk Dracula took a shit in the urinal? Ooh, that's right, it was last night.
I have photo proof.
Girl, don't care. What's my rule? If I don't remember it, it never happened.
And then he peed in my hair
What time is our conjugal visit?
Umm...who is this?
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