Her best guy friend really had a thing for her all along.... Now we're back together and he's gone Dawson's Creek with his away messages.
Drunk. Just jacked off for the third time in an hour. I love not being Catholic anymore.
No, the sea-green pills were klonopin, the bright blue ones are adderall. you're probably going to have to adjust your plans for the day.
Why is your signature on my underwear?
I jerked off enough times today to safely commit to the fact that im not getting laid tonight
he's like a stage 5 clinger and he won't even fuck me. he has to be gay. my personality isn't really THAT great.
There are going to be so many Snookis this Halloween that I might just dress as the guy that hit her and punch them all in the face
im already regretting the extreme lack of break up sex that took place
sick fucks of a feather flock together
The instructions say refer to specific course material, but I'm in no mood to reopen this awful book that caused me so many lost hours of drinking.
Yeah FUCK THAT NOISE
You asked me to pick a color between pink and purple, and I said orange; you told me, "okay, that's a truth question". Then you asked if I had ever deep-throated a cupcake...I didn't even know what to say.
Strangers are buying me shots and I got hit on by lesbians. How is it only tuesday
If a clean cut ginger with a flannel and tattoos shows up at the apartment, he is allowed inside.
Sorry I trained your dog in Spanish last night. At least he listens to someone now.
I just asked my mom if I could be the drunk realitive at the reunion. She said as long as I'm not obvious.
Randomize
