I'm not going to blow you while you look at fish on the internet.
How come the only thing we can do right in our lives is drugs?
he keeps calling me but I'm too scared to answer... Not sure what he's gonna yell at me for: barging into his room while he was with another girl, filling her shoes with dog food and water, or hiding his keys in the garbage disposal.....
once i realized i was actively trying to drink the beer i was sweating out of my body i knew it was time to go to bed
We were walking home when he passed out, we left him. Just got a call from him, hes in a jail in Canada.
Found you in the bushes with fireworks, a teacup and no shoes. Decided it was a bad time to wake you.
Did you seriously take investment advice from our coke dealer?
i just declared my major based on how close the department building was to our apartment. laziness has been brought to a new level
I wanna get shitfaced and yell about Tim tebow
I've been at work 30 min broke a paper towel holder a chair set a box on fire and fell down twice. Hungover Brian just reached a new level
Don't laugh, but I might need some advice on how to ride a crooked dick.
Would seriously like to slash his tires but then I feel like I'd have to deal with him longer.
Rebecca hasn't has this number in 3 months. Please tell all her friends to stop calling at 3 am. We are not interested in buying or selling drugs nor do we want to hook up with anyone. You all need to go to rehab.
Some days, I wish I could get a hug from a furry muppet
See and now you're talking. I am like the fairy godmother of hook ups.
Randomize
