Hurry up. We're trading phones to prevent drunk texting.
Fell into a man hole last night. I've been bleeding since 11pm. Got kicked out of the bar for being bloody.
Someone asked me what I was drinking, I was drinking rum, but I was also eating starbursts so i told them "daiquiris"
I'm drunk in a field. the chupacobra is going to eat me. if I die serve vodka at my funeral.
Yea we just broke up
so do we start sexting now or later?
Things I Learned Tonight: I have no future in goat wrangling. Herding. Whatever you call the ridiculosity that just transpired.
I'm at the point where I'm more upset that he got to keep my bottle of Fireball than that he stopped talking to me with no explanation
doing the walk of shame back to your house in nothing but a bed sheet was definitely not one of my proudest moments..
he appreciated my fucking vagina for two hours he can appreciate my honesty
Don't take advice from me. I'm simultaneously shitting and eating cheesecake.
He said he wanted to lick the breadcrumbs off my chest
I licked your asshole in confidence.
I just my had my first cup of coffee in a week. I think I might orgasm.
She made me undress her with my teeth...explains the button in my shit this morning...
Give me a few. Gonna ride the rollercoaster.
Randomize
