We played Rock, Paper, Scissors last night to see who was the least drunk to drive.
The Rock won.
bought some hannah montana deodorant. hope it doesnt make me smell untalented
conquered wheelchair sex. it's rather convenient. you'd think it was made for it, with all those handles and adjustable features.
Don't tell me wow. Tell me this is normal for college and in no way am I a whore.
I think my multiple attempts of taking his life, no matter how unintentional they were, has put a damper on our friendship
And in my birthday dress, with my friends, i peed on myself in line for the club. Still went in and partied. I remember pieces
And we just chatted casually as i peed on the floor and she peed in the toilet
A very confused plastic surgeon just called. Apparently I called asking how much it costs to get a vodka funnel installed straight to my brain...
I'm sure you're still partially crippled from thar blow job on Saturday, so I understand it's probably difficult to text.
Totally just railed SuperGirl for my birthday. Best Girlfriend EVER!
I just set my messenger to Away so I could run downstairs to masturbate. Working from home is the BEST
I have no reason to put on pants anymore. This is my new reality.
It was horribly awesome. Its like looking at the sun, you know its bad for you but I just couldn't stop looking.
This is the fourth guy that I've broken in to gay sex. How the hell do they find me?
Positive reviews on angieslist?
Gotta say, self-deprecating Lord of the Rings-themed sex jokes were not on my agenda for today.
Randomize
