Then we started crawling around on the floor because we couldn't get up so decided to be tigers instead. Gotta love power hour.
Come scavenge bits of tuna out of my chest hair
we may have ended up at a gay bar on accident. we're gonna work this to get free drinks.
you made sure to tell everyone that the amount of people you had slept with was actually quite low, especially when the size of your breasts was taken into account
Funny how often beer equates to second degree burns on some portion of my body.
Man when i saw they were the only ones hard core grinding to the Cha Cha slide against the wall, I knew they were gonna have sex tonight.
I wanna thank you for having such slutty friends growing up. Your a great little sister
I took my shirt off and stood in the kitchen for an hour and a half talking to his parents about my tattoos
YOU LET ME GO HOME WITH CREEPY RON JEREMY?!?
...and?
I hate when you're right.
The beer bottle was sticking out of your zipper and you shook it onto unsuspecting patrons
Also day 6: dick is healed and ready to go back to work.
He's tiny, but ripped. Like a stacked hobbit. He's going to pull our sexy, crime-fighting rickshaw.
Going to give your dick a friendship bracelet.
Today, this cop risk his life to save me from a sink hole but all I could do is laugh, I was so stoned
Dude why is my bed and bedding wrapped in bubble wrap?
Cuz u wanted to insure u had a safe sleep
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