I'm sorry I kept calling you a pussy... but to be fair, you were being a pussy.
And now I have fucked a local celebrity so double free drinks at bars.
So dude comes out in a full body leotard and a wand and announced he's king of the gays. Chicago is a weird but fun place
he'll always be the guy that i fucked on the bathroom floor
Just realized I've gone to court three different times with papers and a joint roller in my briefcase. #lawyeroftheyear
"She's seriously grinding on him while whispering into his ear, 'take me to McDonald's.'"
Drank your wedding present. Sorry
Beer bong just needs to be rebedazzled but it's gonna make it
You know you've been having sex for 9 months when you do Rock Paper Scissors for who has to go on top
Just wanted to share my unfortunate vagina news in the hopes that it would make your vagina feel better about itself.
You're wasting your dick. It needs to be bestowed upon the masses.
I walked over and you were apologizing to him because you're lady gaga and he's not. The best part was that he forgave you.
Thanks for leaving me with drunk gabby
Hahahaha why what's happening?
She's sending me morse code through the wall....typical
My ex boyfriend literally just asked "who needs porn?". This is EXACTLY why I dumped his ass.
What happened last night?
Lets just say you asked me a couple times if you had eyeballs..
Randomize