Lets date for the summer
what?
Dont love me in September.
What are you doing?
High. Watching Billy Mays infomercials...
That guy could sell me cancer.
how soon is too soon after the break-up to ask for my condoms back?
never try to heat up a hot pocket in the dryer if ur microwave breaks...bad idea.
I wouldn't necessarily call it an addiction, more of a passion. I'm habitually passionate.
New pre-game routine....wal-mart bathrooms...quality beers for free...hallelujah
she said she'd get any tattoo I wanted ... so she's getting a large crossword puzzle as a tramp stamp. I'm the Einstein of doggy style
Contrary to what peaches says, you can't fuck the pain away. Full story later. Have a good morning, buddy.
The new google images is a smorgasbord of porn now are plans for tonight are off.
I think I may be stoned foreverrrrrrrrr. The earth has been around for a long time.
I'm ready to take a few years of my life this weekend
He said the first movie he ever jerked off to was Titanic because he knew "they were totally doing it in that car."
The German just referred to my vagina as the Great Barrier Reef and that he was going to go diving in it.
I'm running late...how do you explain period shits to your boss?
I wanted to make my beer stronger so I poured vodka in it. Why god....why
Randomize
