Needless to say Beer Gardens severly frowns upon playing flip cups with real glasses.
Dude wtf I'm sitting behind some girl in class who is creeping on my facebook page. I don't even know who she is..
Get dressed up for her? please, I could shit my pants and she would still blow me
ive been a drunken mess for the last 5 days. i feel like a 19 year old again
Count me out. I seem to have semen induced blindness in one eye.
uhh when the x-ray tec was moving your head you licked his hand and meowed.. i think he knew you weren't sober
I just want you to know that I think it is hilarious and wonderful that 40s are now your alcohol of choice.
You tried to bite my nipple like 3 times
NAh son
Just general bites
I made out with a dude last night who has an ex wife. Is this what post grad life is about?
Is your gma going to be okay with me passed out drunk on the ground
This lady gave me four cups to go along with my gallon of daiquiri. Silly girl, all I need is a straw.
You rolled onto your side and told me 'this is the recovery position'. That was after you were stoned. You've done this way too much.
Remember that guy I fucked last month? Well I'm watching his dog this weekend while he's in the Bahamas with his girlfriend. What is my life
Because I chose to live vicariously through your uterus and you're letting me down right now.
Nothing kills the mood like opening another guy’s dick pic in bed
Randomize
