Who is this?
Who do you want it to be?
Sarah Palin
I've got the updo, bangs, and glasses, but I'm blonde
You guys sftrill at mcdondalds?!!!!
Yes.
fuckin bring me a cheseburgeria
dude why did you let me call her?!
i told you it was a bad idea and to quote you exactly, you said "no, it's a good idea..that's what people do when they love each other." you met her 15 minutes prior to that conversation...
I felt weird they were both staring at me waiting for the scoop on how your vagina felt.
It's sore actually
I fucking love fucking science majors-- she told me that she wanted to know if her gag reflex got better or worse with alcohol, and that her initial evidence had been inconclusive. So, next few weeks, yeah, gettin blown periodically. All I have to do is keep a log.
I woke up wearing just my underwear and a headlamp at a different house than I remember passing out at. I told you irish car bombs are not made with an entire guinness.
You know that hot fire fighter I fucked yesterday? Well him and two other guys are killing the fire on my stove. Awkward.
She put baby oil on her toes and i am not legally allowed to talk about what happened
I am not old enough to be running into past fucks at the bank. This is at least a twenty five year old milestone.
My dry heaving is complicating my ability to speak.
Using a 12 year old as a wingman. Does that make me a bad person?
Can't really tell your Mom you are moody due to dick deprivation.
Good news my life of crime finally paid off
let’s face it, me joining a co-ed soccer league is like, 33% motivated by my crotch seeking a healthy outlet
wow wtf man i was the friend bailing you out of jail with 500 cash and you didnt have the common courtesy of waking me up for class when i passed out drunk and naked in the bath tub
Randomize
