Have you learned any life lessons?
I like big butts and I cannot lie.
oh. my. god. the guy i hooked up with last night is currently wearing a dress.
I just found 'pokemon orgy' in my search history
Now that I'm the boss, there's nobody to yell at me for smelling like a bar in the morning.
She had a muffin-top while wearing a one piece bathing suit. Thats gotta break one of newton's laws or something
Doctor took one look at my penis and said, 'you don't have herpes, you just masturbate too much'
Vaginas are confusing as hell with all their secret compartments and shit.
I'll get my vaginal cartography poster.
an off duty cop drove behind me last night to make sure i didnt get a dui. i was blacked out drunk and on a pill of ecstacy. he knew this. i must be really pretty.
Before I dignify that with an answer, let me get this straight. You're asking me if I wiped my ass on the towels?
I'm gonna win the lottery and buy chinchillas and tattoos for everyone
Body shots with my MILFs MILF!!
All I did was send my mom an ecard
It doesn't feel like real life when you open your hotel room door and the first person you see is wearing a rabbit costume. I'm too hungover for this.
I have 35 pounds of pennies. Need any?
THAT'S MY GIRL
KICKING BUT AND GETTING PEOPLE INTOXICATED
Shame - the story of my life.
Randomize