Really? You have stories that rival having a threesome with the two best friends of the guy your kinda seeing? Thats impressive.
we're at the bar and some girl dropped a bottle of burnettes strawberry vodka out of her purse and it broke.
i mean, if that's not class, then i don't know what is
I just pooped in his toilet and didn't flush...I desperately need to get him past the girls don't poop phase.
I need like a hormone stopper. Or a chastity belt. Or like a lady business alarm that goes off when I'm being too drunk.
I'd rather be sodomized with a fullly decorated Christmas tree.
He sent a video of him jacking off....class will be awkward tomorrow
Tell me why I woke up outside of our hotel room Wearing a cowboy hat and boots in Las Vegas.
I spilled a whole plate of queso and salsa on my bed so I'm just eating it off my sheets with chips. How's your night going?
I'm by myself. some Midwest chick is hitting on me because I gave her a deviled egg. I need the distraction.
I hate that I still want him to look at me as the vagina that got away.
This is bullshit, I shit my pants for the 1st time in 30 years, stuck on the 405, fuck this shit.
Depends
you came home and ate 12 bananas. you really didnt think mom would know you were high?
Just got your voicemail. The 3am call wasn't a drunk dial, it was an I left my phone in my pocket then has wild animalistic sex dial...
I hate you.
You LOVE me.
Flight got cancelled. Stayed in the same hotel as the flight crew so now I can cross Sex with Pilot off the bucket list
He regularly flies into DC, so I’m going to sign him up for my Frequent Flyer program!
I looked into her soul, didn't I?
You eye-fucked her soul.
Randomize
