My astrological sign? Vagitarius.
i no longer feel bad for not doin my schoolwork. im watching a porn in french. this MUST qualify as studying.
I am not kidding you. There is an airport luggage cart overturned in my driveway. We need to stop going to the airport bar.
Ok see being that I'm not present or participating your vague texts "neeeeed that" and "vagina" leave a lot to question.
You were such a shitshow...I was just standing in the kitchen eating my toaster strudel and you came in, whispered "you didn't see anything" and led him to the couch
Heard puking from next door. Looks like the third floor won't be any different than the second.
...I think i just fell in love with a random undergrad at first glance. He was the awkward young adult version of captain hook. Dear god i need to get off this campus.
You then played what you called "a smooth jazz rendition of talk dirty to me" all thrusting your crotch at the bartender. Mom looked horrified, but my dad couldn't stop laughing
The hat, the beard, the hard posing - like who does he think he is?
A bag of dicks
That's dating life
I mean I've only met the girl once and she was trying to slit some guys tires.
I swear, I make more use of my creative writing major with sexting than I do with anything else
My favorite bra is missing and I smell like beer and bad decisions. This is definitely a sign that hoe mode is activated.
Your aunt just offered to blow me for a ride home....how did you end up such a prude?
As I was blowing him, he proceeded to tell me that his friend who I blew years ago gave me a five star review on my BJ skills. And, he agrees.
Atta girl.
Nice classy night out before we roll our faces off
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