guess who was drunk and crawling in the middle of the road and got brought home by the police last night? HINT: ME
he fingered my asshole thinking it was my vag...I couldn't bring myself to tell him, mostly from shame for me and pity for him
its freezing days like this when i seriously consider littering to speed up the global warming processes.
I walked up to a girl in a bar, and all I was capable of doing was taking my beer and bumping it up to hers. While doing so, all I could say was "Bud Light". She walked away.
Excuse me by sucking dick i am fighting crime. Just think of all the prostitues going out of business and getting real jobs.
I am telling you that nothing wakes you up like stomach acid exiting your nostrils at 10AM
you force-fed me gummy vitamins while screaming "I JUST WANT YOU TO BE HEALTHY" i have never been so terrified in my life.
REALLY should have cleaned under my bed before I had my parents come help me pack...things my parents just found: several condoms and a bottle of lube. My mom when she found a condom: "ooo ribbed. Laura's a lucky girl"
Just saw a couple chasing each other on lawn mowers. Oh South Knoxville.
I don't know what song to play at my bong's funeral!
I have vodka and 50 pizza rolls best spring break ever
I am so stoned. And there are so many white people in this Jack in the Box.
Unfortunately i'm awake, hungover, and covered in something I'm pretty sure is Easy Cheese. Send help.
So your telling me I can lick your ass but you CAN'T spend my money
It true. It written in the Bible.
Yes I remember that, right next to the passage where jesus said unto his disciples, pop molly, fuck bitches amen
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