He looked me in the chest and said "I think I was visited by the titty fairy last night"
He moved away. I mourned his dick all of Sunday. I feel a little better now.
I think you blew our chances when you yelled "YOU SLUTS COMING TO THE TITTIE BAR?" in their face
I think she faked a seizure to get out of it ...
Umm, ya, half our class is sitting in starbucks passing around flasks. Yes, flasks. Plural. Going to join them, we're all giving oral presentations in 20. Go hard or go home.
Is YOLO really just a socially acceptable way to say you enjoy putting things up your nose?
Well going home with a Ralph Lauren model helped me get over him real fuckin' quick. Would recommend it for all women going through breakups
Just wanted to say a big ole FUCK YOU for coming out to mom the day before I have to drive with her for 6 hours. Ass hat.
This is the third time my roommate and I have drunkenly hooked up. I'm starting to think she's not as straight as she says she is.
You left a bit of molly on the table and my mom found it. She asked what it was, I said "not drugs"
She believed me because "leaving that much behind on the table would be a waste so obviously it's not drugs."
NO I WILL NOT SET YOU UP WITH MY TWIN WHAT THE HELL IS WRONG WITH YOU?!? JUST BECAUSE I WONT BLOW YOU DOESNT MEAN YOU CAN STALK HER AS A BACKUP PLAN YOU SPANISH BASTARD
I just met a stripper in the light of day who I ate a candy bikini off her body. This is how my weekend is going.
Would you laugh at me if I told you I think I burned my nipples?
My nipples are YOUNG and they need TWISTING
High school drama coach is wasted and wanted me to tell you that I’m good at flip cup and you should be very proud of me
Where the hell are you
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