Shit chicky whatchu wearin rt now, ur skins?
Oh dear, kinda... in ur sweats!
U look good, r we getting naked in ur car?
I feel like my sweat is 40 proof right now
I love having a boyfriend. I just ate pancakes with regular syrup and chocolate syrup, I havent shaved my legs in a week, and Im still going to get laid tonight.
fuck. you.
i think i can safely say that is the weirdest thing you've ever propositioned me with. so obviously my answer is yes.
nothing says 4th of july like teaching grandma how to work a keg
A drunk hobo just gave me a fist bump. Because I know what a womb is.
She who has the vag holds all the power. He will learn one way or the other.
He was running late for work this morning, so I helped him out by finding a matching pair of black socks. And I hated it. So I'm currently drinking and reminding myself of the reasons I will never get married.
I received a text promising me sex if I drove to Memphis this weekend. Too bad for my penis that we're watching zombie movies and playing cards.
i think ive crossed the line from sexually frustrated to sexually furious
i love it when bitches who pick on you in high school get fat. thank you facebook you have made my day.
STOP TRYING TO FUCK MY DAD
THE HOT GUY IS YOUR DAD?!?!?!?!???
I feel like I don't even know what's gonna happen when we first see each other. It'll be like explosions and glitter and a unicorn will run by pulling a sleigh of alcohol and sex.
hey man , the girl you brought home last night is in the kitchen puking in the sink and asking if she can have more shots of Whiskey....think i should give her a shot glass or send her home....
You're lucky I'm holding your vagina in my best interests
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