In the car with my brother. His CD went from 2pac to Taylor Swift. I'm concerned. It wasn't a mistake, he knows all the words.
life lesson learned today: sleeping pills and laxatives don't mix.
I see an opportunity for you to use your nakedness to cure my boredom.
Sometimes i look at the biltmore estate and wonder just how small George Vanderbilt's penis was...
I had to step in when you tried to make it rain baking powder on my sister
I'm treating myself to a " uve slept with yet another mr. Wrong" breakfast
She tried to sit inside the drawer to my dresser and when it broke, she burst into tears calling herself fat. Too high to deal with this
I got us chalkboard mugs. Now whoever comes home with us can feel comfortable in the morning! I am too considerate to my one-night stands...
Love is....waiting for your girl to throw up her shot in the bathroom...then handing her her beer. Game face.
I'm pricing out a roll of that wax butcher paper. We fuck too messy and I can't afford to wash them every afternoon.
I'm sitting on the toilet just to avoid my bosses look of disapproval
I now have a full length bright red cape in my possession. Best sex trophy ever.
Nothing like having your house arrest ankle bracelet vibrate and take a moisture sample at the exact moment you're about to blow it in some chick...buzzkill
I broke a glass at the bar and ended up with blood on my forehead. I apparently kept screaming BLOOD like the little boy in that YouTube video.
There were a lot of gay moments in between the Strippers and coke
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