I'm at breakfast still drunk holding a blow up parrot
I gambled and lost. Had to pull into a funeral home to clean up with a copy of my resume.
she had no gag reflex. and is an abercrombie model. i love college.
I hope my sperm were as drunk as I was.
When you wake up in your dorm right outside your room with the key in the door, then you will understand my pain.
you know u lost to a carboard cut out of sammy sosa in beer pong last night.
Im not spending 10 to get hit on by potential transexuals even if they are cuter than most of the girls I dated.
I think it got a little awkward for her when my dad walked in on us and did nothing except leave half of his pizza on the table for us.
You take your time. Wallowing in last nights filth is the best way to get over a hangover
He counted every piece of macaroni in the box and then faceplanted into the bowl
Yes ma'am. At least you're a warning story I can tell to my kids in the future
He was just lying on my lap in the backseat screaming how if the cops came he was a blanket.
we got stoned then he started showing me how to make his penis look like a hamburger...if that's not true love idk what love is
Socially acceptable to sleep in a booth in the library? Its not finals but I dunno if I can make it back to south. Too drunk.
its 11:20. i'm drunk in class flying paper airplanes for my final. what the fuck is my college experience right now?
Randomize
