if one more of _____'s family tells me "you're next" i'm going to shoot myself. Thank god for gin (most protestant phrase ever at the most Jewish wedding ever)
Ask for a julep and start talking about how you much prefer the uncircumsized peen. that should probably stop them.
Now that I've come to graduate college. I realized the only discernible skill I learned was how to roll a joint properly. go me.
Well thats $24,000 well spent.
I'm going to rape someone's good day.
I knew the sex would be bad when he slipped the rubber on and said "safe sex activated"
while 90% of the female population goes to worship a fictional character tonight at midnight, I will be taking advantage of having the bars ALL TO MYSELF.
when you get a chance can you look up 'free abortion clinic' for me? cuz i dont think i'll be lucky enough for a second miscarriage.
At one point we asked the guy to play "the lion sleeps tonight" with his bagpipes. Best version ever.
But I just had this pork pâté. It was dick grabbing.
we passed out in our seats at the game for about 3innings. I guess they showed it on the big screen. nap n rally!
That UFC fighter fucked me so hard I have what can only be described as a "cuntcussion"
Considering that your "hello" was replaced with "Fuck yo couch," I'm not surprised that you have a black eye.
I got back from work this morning after working the night shift to find an NFL player scaling the side of our apartment...from your window. He just took sneaking out to all new level. Care to explain?
I think that about sums it up, actually.
Sorry. My phone died in the middle of you explaining why we would never work as a couple. Whatever you were gonna say, I probably agree.
They're letting me in by good graces, I can't show up with a fist full of dildos
I had an awesome dream where you were a stegosaurus and I was a triceratops and we were hiding from a t-rex and had mad dino sex
Randomize
