i killed an earwig and left its corpse on the wall as a warning
his facial hair looked like he just ate out someone's ass
dinner with the girl I motorboated last semester wasn't as awkward as I thought it would be
so exactly what is concert sex etiquette? Before, during or after???
all of the above
Cocaine can totally be concealed as MAC finishing powder. Drug dealer creds just went up 120 percent
Hey, scratch that. I've shit 8 times today. I don't have the energy to get laid so I cancelled my date.
Is there some sort of line being crossed when your shower activities start to involve jimmy johns?
They made up a new version of "Smash or Pass" called "I would(n't) let you sit on my face" to yell at the freshman
Great. I broke up with him before he could like my selfie, now I'm down a like.
I can't masturbate without laughing really hard at some point and it's entirely your fault.
I shit you not. Dude complemented me for being meme savvy. You could drown a toddler in my panties right now.
I have sent texts to the pizza delivery guy telling him he was beautiful. Oh and you almost got a ticket for pissing in public. And I smell like cheese.
this is a mass text: the cage has been opened. repeat, the cage has been opened. a search party will be organized. you are all sloppy bitches. that is all.
You think you can just send me a picture of your dick and everything will be ok?
Yep.
I guess when the asshole said “I really miss you and want to get back together” he actually meant “I’m banging a Hooters girl behind your back.”
I hope she gives him gonorhea
Randomize
