After he called me a "spirited little girl" I realized that I need to stop sleeping with guys more than ten years older than me.
i saw the poster for your lost tequila... what a shame
Hey. Hey you. Just wanted to let you know that I'm adorable. FUCKING ADORABLE. That is all. This update brought to you by our proud sponsor bud light.
I'm going to buy her a puppy, let her fall in love with it, then kill it in front of her. Does that answer how I feel about her?
The waitress just told me I'm asking alot. So far I've asked for a soul, an angel and carbombs
Yeah if I don't text back. I'm eating. sleeping. Or lifting. Or drinking. Or playing call of duty. Like shit man
I'm potentially being cockblocked by Old Man Winter. What the fuck did I do to piss off an entire season?
The fact that the praying hands are in my top emojis defines how 2016 is going so far
Remember last NYE when after the 9th shot of tequila you went on full crazy mode and made out with the 50 y/o doorkeeper? and he called you the next day?
the night literally screamed "cock and ball torture"
fucking him is like fucking old faithful. you could set your watch by his orgasms.
Last thing I remember at your house last night is your dad leaning on the beer pong table and saying "you guys can fucking party"
we bonded over knowing every word to freaky gurl by gucci mane so it’s kinda starting to make sense why I gave him head in his cul de sac
I wish i didn't black out tuesday so i could have cherished our moment together
Throwing up together is NOT a cherishable moment...
I’m vetoing meatball margaritas right out the gate. We can’t have people throwing up again!
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