nutella sex= disaster
Operation Purity has been aborted
Pretending to be straight requires way more energy than I'm willing to use in this heat.
shes perfect for him. shes never seen a penis so she has nothing to compare his to.
I legitimately woke up with a girl trying to snort cocaine off my dick.
She threw up in the hot tub how's your night
Here's a tip. Don't party with someone that needs sexual attention. Drinking and sexual attention don't mesh well in the morning. Especially over a bowl of Cheerios.
you texted me "dude im face"
it sounded so right at the time
I've shit my pants 4 times in 12 hours... Never trust a fart when u pass 30
Goddamn you thin people LEAVE FOOD FOR THE BIGGER DRUNKARDS WHO NEED IT
Also- should we send out holiday cards? That say, "Eat a dick, 2014"?
Do you know this guy sitting in front of us? Asking for my vagina.
If you can't beat em, make them send you dick pics so they can't do anything stupid again.
Let's just grow old together and be the crazy ladies that sit on the park bench, drinking booze from flasks and loudly talk about people who walk by.
all my friends are getting married and here i am in a committed relationship with rum
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