Turns out you're obligated under man law to share any passwords you may have for porno sites
Is that what they're teaching u at that bar review class?
Myspace is for pedophiles and tweakers in the 818 trying to hook up. I always forget theres music there too
as he left, i held up my fist and said "pound it out" and he was like "are you serious, we just had sex..."
Mark is going to get hypothermia. he is shirtless eating snow bc he "doesnt want to be dehydrated" tomorrow. youre in charge.
I feel like I'm full of double a batteries and cocaine.
Only I could run tino my father in law while looking at condoms at Rite Aid. At 730 on a Thursday morning. I'm in trouble.
well it got awkwardly quiet so i looked up, slapped his stomach, said "youre the best!" while pointing at him, and went right back to sucking his dick.
There is an alarming amount of urine in here.
She just mixed her Emergen-C with champagne... Vegas here we come!
Yeah I mean once a gun is being waved around, its probably a good time to leave the party
But the music was sooo good
Who put the fucking tampon in my Mike's hard lemonade?
I felt like I was having sex with Joffrey from Game of Thrones. Needless to say how bad it was
You both snapchatted me that. Like, I just got a double dose of penis pastry.
I'd give anything to be driving a pirate ship wearing nothing but a coconut bra and a grass skirt eating a pizza and watching dolphins jump in the waves. Dreams ya gotta have dreams
When you wanted to give that guy at McDonalds your number you asked the cashier if you could borrow "a pen or just like a straw with his blood on it". He gave you a pen.
Randomize
