Now it won't go down.
You've got a gift.
He toold me that when we were younger I was his boner buddy.
seems the shocker is way more shocking if u get the fingers wrong
I made myself breakfast and everything and then whoever's house it actually was came downstairs very upset.
I don't know what you're talking about. I just drank beer out of my own bellybutton by doing a backbend and letting it run down my body.
Did you just buzz the apartment and throw shit at the window? Josh and rob came into my room and woke me up
Fuck you Ian. U owe me $3.65 cuz thasts what I thfrew at ur window trying to wake ur ass up. And fuck u for not giving a shit
Seriously? He's going to use MY birthday sex as the opportunity to ask if he can pee on me?!? I let him, but wow talk about selfish.
That last minute feeling of hesitation on whether I should bring my health card to the bar usually means I'm in for a good night.
Heres a quick tip! When getting black out head from your girlfriend dont come to and say "wait... wheres my girlfriend"
I felt like a personal hot pocket and all I could taste was cigarettes.
Car is still out of commission. Looks like it's Grape Nuts and scotch for dinner.
I appreciate the I'll come bail you out of jail tone in the text
He's got a beautiful penis, I can't lie
Just found an airplane bottle of whiskey and I didn't put it in my coffee. I think I deserve a little recognition this morning.
Being single again makes you realize how guys can go from licking your asshole one night to never texting you again
Randomize
