Hes warming up week old McDonalds french fries, putting hot sauce on them, and counting them with his shirt off.
Is that you who's passed out on my treadmill?
So watch family guy till our brains melt and then bang till our bodies hurt?
i like feelif swiord YOU ARE A GOD
I just listened to "Eye of the Tiger" and did 5 shots to prep going over to see him.
I saw a crackhead in a ballerina outfit riding a bike while waving her hands and one leg in the air. Never seen such talent in my life
I just did something so unspeakable in the panera bathroom that their health score dropped 10 points.
IDK DUDE BUT HE TIED IT WITH A SHOELACE SO I GOTTA FREE SHOELACE OUTTA THE DEAL. THIS GIVES A NEW MEANING TO LACED DRUGS
Hey ask him if he likes swappy seconds
Nothing says summer like lemonaid, but nothing says fuck yeah summer like lemonaid and vodkavodka
These tits shall not be calmed
i like that he makes me laugh. those are like my two favorite things. laughing and fucking.
We couldn't find her anywhere. Finally, I saw her sitting in my bathroom floor spraying hair mouse into her mouth and whispering "I fucking love whipped cream." WHAT DID YOU GIVE HER AND CAN I HAVE SOME?
Is it wrong for me to wish my cat had arms to get me a beer?
I just got a handjob in the back of an Uber while a large German dude and a Midwestern fuck-boi sang along in falsetto to the Bohemian Rhapsody.
Randomize
