my mouth tastes like poor choices
Revelation of the day. Bulimia is dumb. Anorexia is easier.
You suck.
dpoing straight shots of jhameson. boys are imp ressed. i apologize
Not really fighting over the same girl. He takes her out to dinner and then I come over and fuck her. We've worked out the perfect relationship.
Got a basket, 50 condoms, some candy, 100 plastic eggs & my bunny costume. Campus will feel my wrath in 2 weeks
I just found little boats floating in my bathtub....they are made out of white castle boxes, condoms, pickles, and corks. All the wine we bought is being used as the "ocean"....clearly we didn't drink any of the wine.....but I don't remember doing this.
just walked into the study room and found an empty bottle of vodka and a passed out freshman. Did you have anything to do with this?
Beer acquired. Food is cooking
Wow, you are almost sliding into home plate for some stellar fellatio
You need to call dibs on the blond with the tits. It's your birthday.
Haha hell yea
Because if someone gets to see those.. It should be you. It's like God telling you Happy Birthday.
I was dancing with a blow torch in one hand and a bowl of weed in the other
Is it too soon for me to wonder what sex with him would be like?
Would you think less of me if I said I was eating a toaster strudel in the bath.
He was wearing a diaper to the party. I've never felt like such a creep in my life.
I love you. Doing a double. Going to die. It will be painful. Let the world know i partied. God, did i party.
He was eating me out on a samsung washing machine and as soon as I came, I heard the "end of cycle" song. That tune will now always remind me of the screaming, multiple orgasms I recieved tonight!
Randomize