listening to techno makes your hand move faster while masterbating
You know its been a rough night when you wake up and the first thing you remember is your mom going skinny dipping.
I'm gonna go out in a limb and say living out middle school fantasies is never a good idea
he told her he was actually impressed that she had fucked more people in this house than the four dudes living in it.
Whoever invented the gimlet should be given a medal and then shot
I dont know what we smoked last night but I woke up and found out I started writing a book called White Trash Princess. Its the best thing Ive ever read
I feel like a pizza delivery girl of vagina tho
Is it okay to thank someone for the orgasms they gave you, even though they weren't with you?
lol hangovers are for mortals.
dude it's 9am and i'm still drunk it's too early for sexting
You're not who I thought you were. You've changed.
I don't know what she did to me last night, but the scratches on my back indicate that I had sex with a Bengal tiger last night.
I think he just shit his pants. Yep he did. That's unfortunate.
He howled at the moon then told me that if i were a dog he'd have sex with me...either i look like that girl or i need to stop going on blind dates. Period.
i just cleaned my bong... I do not feel healthy
I once went to target high on hydrocodone. I assure you, they can handle unrespectable.
Randomize