is hooking up with someone you used to babysit wrong?
You can't special order awesome
he had more hair on his balls then in my Easter basket
he rolled over in his sleep, called me a hoe and then grabbed my crotch. some things never change, asleep or not.
Have thirty minutes until my shift starts. My heart says liquor store but my future says no
We found you naked curled up in a ball in the closet, using a gorilla suit as a blanket
she tried to douche with champagne. in front of all of us. unabashedly.
I wonder what acid is like for a blind person... Can we find this out?
You know what, I don't care that I got too drunk and didn't make it into the boat party. If I had, I probably wouldn't have peed on you later while we soundly slept. I feel you need that in a best friendship.
He's acting like I should like him more than vodka and Taco Bell, but I just don't ser that happening.
I just want school to he over so we can build a big tent, do drugs inside it, and watch cartoons until the sun comes up.
That's all I've ever wanted.
Definitely got a blow job in Charles Schwab's bed last night.
I love my job.
I had to puke in a ditch beside a cow pasture and like 50 cows just stood there and watched. I could feel the judgment.
this temple that is my body is starting to crumble and turn into ruins
You were hitting on girls while wearing the banana suit. When they rejected you you yelled "I gotta split anyway."
Randomize
