in a basement doing blow off a prince dvd next to a chick in a saddam mask
I don't remember her name, but I do remember yelling at her from the balcony of the hotel room during her walk of shame.
If I die tonight, I want you to know that your sister is awesome in bed
porn star boner night. come get it.
The bridesmaid just threw up on herself. This is going to be the best wedding ever
Three questions... How drunk were you? How long until we can make fun of you for this? Do you even really need a spleen?
if you ever get a chance to, fuck in a lecture hall. great acoustics. highly recommend it.
Listen. I don't care if its "nontoxic" im not putting it in my fucking vagina.
How did you get a free t-shirt at the strip club?
I was attacked by whores
You threw up on yourself again didn't you?
They were strong whores
you're a fucking everclear ninja. the whole goddamn formal blacked out. you're the worst dj ever
but I'm the best friend ever. I got you laid
Apparently at 2 AM I decided to let the world know about my newfound love for elephants
I woke up this morning and the lid to the back of my toilet was missing. Dahfaq do I do with this shit?
I was going down on her and she started whistling "Whistle while you work." I'm in love.
I wonder how many people I can tell that he has one nut before he finds out it's me spreading it.
Why do I feel so obligated to masterbate just because I’m single and it’s valentines Day...
Randomize
