Dude, no matter how drunk you are, it's not okay to hug every other guy at a strip club. Mainly because boners are far too common.
I think i found my new favorite workout. Go to a party where you dont know anybody and constantly walk around the house so you dont look awkward standing alone. im up to 1.8 miles
No, a stripper letting you buy her dinner is not the same as a girlfriend.
cab driver says "I saw your friend who opens her legs. she went home with two guys." pretty sure he was talking about you
dude, never let a drunk girl playbite your dick. the doctor came in laughed and left.
You were in my dream and you got the lyrics to lollipop tattooed on your chest. Don't get it, it wasnt that cool.
No. Especially when my uncle started stripping. Too many shots. So that's where I get that from.
How much time is enough between masturbating and watching little bear?
So it turns out rose was the bear hunting girl. Fuck my life
None of those words made sense together.
Do you think I should still be the condom fairy for Halloween even though I'll be like.. Almost 8 months pregnant?
After hearing her fall down in the shower for the third time, I decided to go check on her.
At first I was horrified but then he explained that he shave a "soul patch" on his balls... And I was still horrified, but I went with it.
Why is my hat full of peanuts?
Don't throw them out, I'm on my way
I'm a lady who knows what she wants in life, and that's uncommitted dick.
We played wedding bingo. I made out with the maid of honor and fucked one of the bride’s sorority sisters. But I needed to get with the groom’s cousin, a mother-in-law to be, or the wedding planner to win and I came up short.
Randomize
