im so horny i just used my electric toothbrush to masturbate. god help me
did i by any chance text you anything about feathers last night?
you mean faeutihaers?
I just saved him in my contacts as "Has 2 kids.. don't drunk text"
I don't know what you drank last night but you really enjoyed the 4 egg body shots.
He's in bed with me right now. I'm wearing a towel and all I could wish for is my freedom. And pizza.
her body is proportioned like a family guy character
I have got to stop assigning last names to girls I get numbers from based on what I think will remind me of them... Sarah Petrydish is not an acceptable memory trigger
So ahh..."Multicultural Night" turned into "Fuck the Neighbor Night"
Please take a moment of silence for the fact that I still have all 10 fingers
If you can get her to make out with you without paying for it, I will personally make you president of the american lesbian league
I can't believe you picked a finger in the ass over lunch with me.
My body is like , remember when you wouldn't let me puke last night? Good luck at work fucker.
I'm a fuck boy trapped in a single mom's body.
If my vagina was a person it would have a bandage around its head and it's arm in a sling rn
I can't be sure but I think I slept with a clown last night...
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