you know what scares the shit out of me? i have eaten bagel bites since i was a little kid and just in the past five years they started puting "made with real cheese" WHAT THE FUCK WERE THEY USING BEFORE? i mean ive been a bagel biter since the womb
17 year olds will be the death of me.
Making and watching you take a mixed shot with vodka, chocolate syrup, tobasco sauce, cranberry juice, and sundried tomato juice wasnt the highlite of my night. Hearing you puking from downstairs was.
If the EMT's ask later... I had 5 hour energy for breakfast and Four Loko for dinner... It might be important for them to know that
It's 6 am and I've spent the last few hours searching for a cork screw or suitable substitute. You had none. Incidentally, I finally opened this bottle of wine, but owe you a new meat sticky thing with those two prongs. Sobriety is not good for me. Or your utensils.
Apparently I've been blackout drunk doing abstract algebra on the floor
well, the two that sent pics I've already been with, so at least its not just BAM HERE'S MY PENIS IN YOUR INBOX ENJOY THOSE MEGAPIXELS
That bitch makes my crazy look like a walk in the park with cotton candy
Just came so hard my back cracked. Other women are totally missing out if they don't masturbate.
Thanks for setting a pic of your balls as my desktop background. You'll find you're cc'ed on the mass email of it.
I do NOT want to date a man who has no interest in going to a kangaroo farm
Do you think casino weekend will remind us once again that we in fact are not mature enough to be this old?
That's why god made go-pro's and tequila
Partying with my eighth grade history teacher I know you're jealous
Life update: This fucking MacBook repair guy called me over last night for a booty call and he didn’t have a condom OR a bed
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