Yeudjkisdjxbfceryuj. i love having a qwerty keyboard just so i can do that.
Sometimes familiar penis is best. Its like comfort food for your vagina.
the only way I will be happy is if my gallon spiderman bucket is full of either popcorn, nutella and peanut butter, or fried rice. CHOOSE WISELY.
Dont worry about getting me anything... Just put a bow on your ass.
Deal.
His morals are debatable, but his heart or perhaps his penis is in the right place.
His penis is crooked. Right place? Maybe he starts there, but then he slants.
I just picked up my phone and one shoe from the man mowing the lawn next to the ice rink. He found them in a tree.
I've finally done it, I've downloaded some messenger lesbians like to use because some girl wanted to flirt.
Congrats, you're all grown up now.
I FEEL LIKE A GAY BUTTERFLY
Also, being stuck with my family all week has made it very clear that I need to be drunk and I need to be fucked pronto
Thought about it. I'm gonna go to work, but I'm gonna tell them I wrestled a bear saying I fell just isn't working.
I'm gonna celebrate Valentines day by watching Bob Ross videos and tripping balls.
I never realized how you can accidentally go home with someone until tequila got involved.
Do you remember the guy that smelled like hot dogs?
Just almost drowned myself in the shower again. I need an adult.
Some mornings I close deals. Other mornings I puke out my window while I’m driving down the highway
my dad walked in on me peeing into the trashcan in our kitchen last night at like 2am. wtf
Randomize
