he told me it was a naked video of him so i opened it. i just got rickrolled while sexting
I just found a hunk of ham in my back jeans pocket from god knows when. We gotta stop going so ham.
So I hear you're taking over showing your penis responsibilities now that I'm gone?
I had to smuggle a street sign attached to a 14ft long pole out of my house this morning. The list of reasons for me not to drink just keeps getting longer.
Dude what the fuck...
Well that's the first time I've woken up with wet jorts
Actually some of the best sex I've had involved a lot of laughing.
How small IS your cock?
For the record you were pretending you were in a rocket when you drove from wawa to your house. So like 2 minutes of me listening to you making rocket sounds over the phone lmfao
Also, even though this really sucks now, we will look back on this one day and laugh at the time we all got arrested on Thanksgiving
Every time I see him I get horny. I can't help it!
Just stop. You're making other wives look bad. We are all starting to hate you.
I had to ask. I mean when you get a snap chat of a nipple you have to ask who's it is.
Just participated in the saddest thing: Cheetos. Handjob. I have lost at life
I'm going through what feels like a break up with beer. I'm emotionally distraught from it's lack of presence.
So, just saw a lady hysterically sobbing in a Walmart at 3 AM. Someone's not having a happy mother's day.
The next time you invite me out to a bar full of cougars warn me first. I never felt like a piece of meat before.
Yes I went home with her last night. I woke up this morning and ran into my boss on the way to the bathroom. Monday is going to suck at work.
Randomize
