There was this creepy guy on the bus. So I puffed out my stomach & began so hold my stomach like I was preggers.
I was eating out this girl yesterday and when I finished, she asked me if I wanted to take any home with me. She was serious, dude!
What does that even mean?
Well i just learned hong kong is a country...thank you olympics
let me put this in terms we both understand. he was the crunchwrap supreme of men--the perfect combo of all things manly, gooey and delicious. and ready for instant enjoyment.
So... i mean if they do have cameras in his apartment buildings pool room atleast we gave them a little show.
He is so amazingly handsome. I just wanna fuck every shred of decency out of him.
You had your dick do your apologizing for you last night. Apology accepted.
Discovered a freckle on my clitoris. What have you done today?
So hungover. Walked into room and poached their catering before realized in wrong place. Scowled and ate it anyway
Hungover in church. I can feel stained glass Jesus judging me.
Was having relations of the behind variety with my girlfriend. Based on where we were at I could see myself in the bathroom mirror. You know I did the Patrick Bateman point and wink at the mirror and turned on sissudio by Phil Collins.
I mean seriously there comes a time when you just need to take a crap in peace. Until he figures that out he can stay the hell outta my place.
I wanna trust fall face first on a penis.
Oh, and Harry Potter. We could be fuck-and-Harry-Potter buddies.
I'm not saying I'm planning to hook up tomorrow but I'm also not saying I'm unprepared for it
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