I'm in a strip club that reminds me of a crack house from the 80's.
So I used to make fun of texas a lot, then I got here and I found a place where I could get my tequila in a to go cup with a straw and I realized that this is the only place I ever want to be
i'm really high, and this is sooooooooooo important. how many frosties does it take to fill a bathtub?
The story about him having a girlfriend changed real fast when he found out that I was a gymnast
Idk. Each time I ask him about double teaming a woman with Dennis Rodman he just giggles. We will never know what to believe.
TAKE ALL THE MAERHMALLOWS AND PUT THEM ALL IN THE MAGICAL NIGHTSTAND
It's a piss down the stairs of the hotel kind of night
I got kicked out of the bar for suggesting that the bartender drop her tits into my Redbull instead of the usual liquor
i made sure not to drool on your bed by putting my hoodie on backwards and swaddling my face in the hood
The lady at target couldn't scan my grocery item and just looked at me and said "just take it. I hate this fucking place". Best munchie adventure yet.
Gays age differently than straights. 29 is like 45 in gay years. Next year I'll be in adult diapers and applying for medicaid.
Learn from my mistakes, you naive soul: Gay love triangles are just as dangerous as straight love triangles.
Can you send me a picture of your dog? I might need to borrow him so I can wear a speedo to a pool party on Friday
We were literally making dick jokes with his dick out
That’s the level of friends with benefits I aspire to achieve
I feel like he doesn't realize we're offering him a threeway with sisters and I don't understand how that's possible.
Maybe we should bring mom next time.
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