i think i may have caused an international incident at the french embassy, just fyi
hahaha how?
its a long story involving a horse trailer and some shrubbery
I don't llike drinking between sober and blackout. Its boring.
no, I didn't make it. Instead, i watched VH1 for... 13 hours? I use the question mark because I was using Flavor Flav's clocks to tell time after the first 3 hours.
you have to choose: penises or morals?
I just realized that I've become that person they make the alcohol warnings on medicine for.
I'm watching the Australian Open. They need to slow the fuck down. It's hard enough to follow sober and now it's just pissing me off.
Woke up with pink eye in both my eyes. That's how the threesome went
making your facebook status TEQUILA is like basically saying "im easy tonight. feel free to take advantage"
I'm just here to guide your spirit, avoiding herpes is on you though
You know where a good place to spend summer is? In your head. High as shit. It doesn't matter where you are.
You told me you would ride a pig into the night sky screaming, "I wear my sunglasses at night"
Seeing the pictures of him and i, I'm giving whiskey the win on this one. Definitely had beer goggles.
Fuck you and fuck your stupid hat
I miss my bedroom and my bed and being able to spray myself with my choice of 15 different perfumes so I don't have to wake up to the smell of my past sins
where are my eyebrows?
Randomize
