would you consider him our boss?
technically yes
then technically i slept with our boss
I hate fucking guys that don't drink coffee. My morning hangover and shame will not be cured by your stupid tea.
Had to use the product locator on on the four loko website to find them at home. Got to go in the backroom of a grocery store to get them. Dedication.
Listening to Joy Division and applying for Walmart. You get to choose which one is more depressing.
Maybe if i steal enough bar glasses i can justify all the money spent i've spent there
Waking and baking in my bathtub. In a giant sweater. And no pants. This is going to be the best 420 ever.
I know for sure he's a bro because he closed the door so my gf didn't see me hooking up with her cousin.
Some guy dressed like Santa just handed me a bottle of tequila. I NEVER WANT TO LEAVE CANCUN
He got naked and made a run for the door so I had to stop him.
Day 10 and still no sign of rescue in my pants.
I'm the kind of girl who misses her mouth when trying to eat, do you honestly think I'm coordinated enough to wear heels during sex?
just got a call from a life insurance sellsperson and apparently our xany dealer referenced us. not cool thats breaking the 4th wall
He will forever be known as the toe sucker who may or may not have been a father
Are you missing a tooth after last night? Because I found one in my coat pocket...along with what smells like dried jäger and a package of deer jerky.
Uh not that I recall.
Oh wait nvm. It's mine. Yeup, definitely my tooth.
I fucked a 6 foot tall guy who has abs showing without even flexing... I am a wizard and I have magical powers.
Randomize
