I saw a seagull swallow a hot-dog whole today, it reminded me of you.
well my dad not being home definitely made it less awkward to walk in carrying the bra I left wearing.
She's running around bumping into to people trying to keep a balloon she filled with vodka in the air. Please tell me she has a secret off switch you didn't tell me about.
Dude, just look at these fucking curtains and chill out.
If you're fucking that other dude, I'll take the sloppy seconds. I don't care.
No. And Marissa said shitting in the handicap bathroom at work does not get you into the club. You have to shit yourself. She said.
I'm okay. We got a prayer rug sent to us with the face of jesus on it. From Tulsa Oklahoma. Kinda weird.
She licked EVERYTHING then yelled at me in Spanish. I just kept saying SI.
How am I so hungover that wearing sunglasses hurts my head?
I guess I just stopped wanting to rip his balls out and started being okay with him being alive. that's a typical feeling for exes right?
I knew this night was headed for bad when I was drinking cherry bombs out of a sippy cup in the shower
I know it sounds all cute and shit that I wanted him to be with me last night, but it's not cute. I just wanted to fuck.
Apparently I made a chicken patty, angrily took it out of the microwave, walked outside, and threw it over the balcony. #me
Took it for the first time last night, and i saw a giant pillsbury boy coming after me with a wrench in his hand.
You do realize last night you asked me if shampoo had an expiration date then cried for 15 mins when I told you it did
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