so Brent and I ordered you a drink then realized you don't live here. I drank it.
whenever I think of his sister, I just picture a chick with a huge beard
Appropriately today was the first time I've ever GTL'd. I can't believe I made fun of this,it's rather relaxing.
Does the whole "it was New Years" excuse apply this year?
I need input, can I pre-game my cat scan?
You know it's a good party when even the dealers were too fucked up. Just found and counted 140 E pills I found in a bag in the couch. Just paid for weed this month.
My ex just sent me a message asking if she could blow me, but only if we get caught by her new bf. If she promises to swallow I'm doing it.
She is still a psychotic unstable bitch, and is therefore PERFECT drinking game fodder
No teenage boy ever gets scared away from sex unless she is slipping a wedding ring on your finger or is killing your cat. I promise.
I'm drunk off vodka and I haven't eaten today. I've never felt more like Kirsten Cohen in my life.
All I could think about while he was going down on me was that his moustache reminded me that I want to try something new with my pubic hair.
There's no triumph quite like finally banging your high school boyfriend 6 years later
Oh honey. I will not JUST be drunk. I will be spring break drunk. Spectacularly hammered. It will be glorious for all watching and embarrassing for anyone that has to drag me to bed.
I need a sign that says “please don’t make plans with me if I’ve had two or more drinks. I will regret them. I will have bitter feelings towards you. Then I will cancel and feel guilty.”
There's a pregnant girl taking shots of apple juice
Randomize
