my computer doesn't work...
why?
i puked on it last night
I overheard a kid saying to his mom at Walmart: "Mommy.. should we buy cups for daddy's spit?"
Buying weed on Christmas. Gotta love Jewish drug dealers
What can i say, inner beauty is great but it makes a hard picture to jack off to
I'm not gonna not go for it, she's foreign and pulled a shotglass out of her thong.
the fact that you could barely do more than slur incoherent sentences didn't stop you from correcting her grammar
I dont know how to say this. But the hottest girl where im at has one arm.
nope im down the street in my car watching the front of her house. its actually less creepy than it sounds
siamese drinking twins saturday is a go ... bring duct tape.
Oh my god. I just RAN OVER a child. Oh my god this isnt my day. That kid was cool as fuck though
Good morning! So would you prefer me to show up kind of late or on time but looking like I got chewed up and spat out by an episode of Buffy the Vampire Slayer?
The awkward moment when a lady ask you what kind of lipliner you're using, but really I have just finished eating hot cheetos.
We had sex on the tiger blanket while I was wearing my Ukrainian shirt and my ass touched the Ukrainian flag. Happy 25th Ukraine!
I'M SO HIGH I FORGOT HOW TO EAT A STRAWBERRY. A FUCKING STRAWBERRY.
Dude, what the hell where you thinking last night
Welllllll basically they were like "challenge" and I was like "accepted"
Randomize
