I must be too annoying 4 u.
Getting fucked up met up rando with a girl I confesswed my love for last night. weird, going with it
her lazy eye was starring daggers at me.
We have literally factored in $2200 for bail money in the budget. This vegas trip will be out of hand. We are signing confidentiality contracts.
He dared me to drink a bottle of olive oil in exchange for a 30 pack... So much for loosing the freshman fifteen this year.
They invented the twister shot game. You put a shot on each circle, take it when you land on it, and if you fall, they funnel the mat and make you drink it. New best friends.
I've reached too hung over to move status will you bring me something to drink?
I moved out 2 weeks ago remember?
Can you ship it to me then?
No no no...you park the car, stick your tongue down his throat, slip your number in his pocket, invite him to insomnia, and THEN LEAVE. You go from awkward to epic in a matter of seconds.
The jerky fairy visited my fridge. It's glorious.
Classic dick move. Breaking up your buddies 3-some by coming into his room and doing the Harlem Shake.
I can give you five reasons its your baby
and I can give you 10 reasons it's not, but I'm busy so I'll just go with you have the wrong number. And also I'm a straight girl.
WINE AND FILM. TALK ABOUT AN UPGRADE FROM NETFLIX AND CHILL.
I woke up in bed spooning a vacuum cleaner
I'm pretty sure the rest of my evening will consist of masturbating, drinking tequila and watching children's movies.
Our livers get a hall pass for 2020, right?
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