I dont kno what was worse. Waking up 2 a guy next to me thinking I got blackout or realizing it was your boyfriend.
If she doesnt understand your inherent need to teabag an emo chick, do you really want to be with her?
How does one fall all the way up a flight of stairs? Its hard on me knowing that the survival of our species depends on me not reproducing.
I feel like I shouldn't be doing my banking stoned. But I bought a new bowl. Her name is Sharpe. Pronounced Shar-Pay.
It'll be like the burning bush except without moses and with pubes.
I don't even know why im sitting in this office eating a poptart.
his phone is always ringing though. It makes me feel like I'm dating a doctor who's always on call.
yeah, dating a doctor sounds much better than fucking your drug dealer.
just reminessing about the wedding and were they seriously to tight to serve a meal oorrrrrr was it just another one of my black-out-by-dinner drunks
the fact that you actualy have a 'black-out-by-dinner drunk' is a bit deserving..
Seriously how many times do I have to sleep with him before he stops calling me dude
Guess who just got out of a ticket because the cop liked her costume? THIS GIRL.
I mean, I already put pants on today. We're already halfway there
I just spilled a shot of Patron on your mom.. Body shots may be happening. You better get here quick.
He flipped me around so that we could have sex and both watch Die Hard... I think I found my sole mate. Merry Christmas to me!!🎄
I woke up and found that i was using my computer as a pillow. i had 53 pages of random letters on Microsoft word
He sent me the milestone first dick pic this morning, it looked like a baby's fist holding a tree trunk. I'm frightened and aroused in equal measure.
Randomize
