he said i was weird because i want to have sex in public places.
i dont think thats weird i think thats fun
i forgot to tell you, he fell asleep outside my house again last night, but im weird
Youll never guess who has to go to fucking planned parenthood because trojan cant make a fucking condom
Not only do I have sand in my ass, but a crab pinched me while we were fucking. Still totally worth it.
Its trashy in the best of ways. Like a stripper working to pay for college.
Jeff just maced a waitress...it's way too early for this.
At 4 am, making my walk of shame, the hotel security followed me to my car with his flashlight shined directly on me. I felt like either a criminal or like I was about to get raped. Can't a girl sneak out of a hotel room without an actual spotlight on her?!?!?!
He told me the color of his piss. Worst. First date. Ever.
i am an animal i am literally locking myself in my house and not coming out for a week i don't deserve to be in public
Why am I getting texts saying are you ready for this butthole? Help
Guy just came in wearing only shorts, on his hand was written - my name is ... Call ... And tell them where i am, thanx - in permanent marker, ordered his favorite dish, and left w/out touching it. It's snowing outside.
I may or may not have told him that he's "the only one with a PHD in this pussy"... I should like direct cheesy porno flicks or something.
that's the second time I've made out with him and woken up with my pants stuffed with PBRs I am convinced he's magic
When you're all settled in, text me, and I can sorta apologize for saying that your phone can suck my dick. What I really meant to say is that your Windows phone can suck my Android phone's dick.
MY INSIDES ARE BASICALLY BEING WRUNG BY A CHAINSAW IM NEVER TAKING PLAN B AGAIN
You ask to touch his thighs ten times and called them magnificent.....need I say more
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