I puked while I was brushing my teeth this morning and had to get a new tbrush
Ew, did you brush them again?
Yeah but i puked on the new one and decided to give up...failure
Aren't I supposed to sit on your face?
awkward like he asked me out for a "rest of the summer make out buddy" thing and I kind of had a female testicle retreat moment
does it count as a threesome if she tried to blow the dude who was passed out next to us?
Saw a guy throw up on himself while walking, drinking, and singing all at the same time. Hope your night is going better than his :)
I just horrified a large group of people. Congrats on dating me.
You can cross "give someone a blow job while playing Colors of the Wind" off my bucket list.
Note to self: the judgement that occurs when unrolling your last 5 which was used to snort drugs the night before, to pay for alcohol before noon on a Monday is worth just sucking it up and taking an overdraft fee.
Wait a min, you had drugs last night?!
That money I left you should go to the stripper that fell asleep in your bed. Sorry
The girl in the stall next to me is puking her brains out, I'd say she had just a good a weekend as us
I gave her some alkaseltzer ad she looked at me lke I was god
AND I JUST BURNT MY BACON. WTF MONDAY. SCREW YOU TOO
I swear going to your house is like going to a strip club, no matter what happens I get glitter on me.
Glass of stolen champagne in a to go cup = tastiest hangover cure ever
I just want someone to put their head on my boobs and laugh at my jokes ....
JB just got pulled over and I am in the trunk...... this isnt good
Randomize
