as evidence of my kitchen this morning my night involved alot of mustard and condoms
I wish scraping a resin bowl could be considered cleaning.
talking dirty on facebook chat is the new phone sex.
i feel like everytime i say im going to quit drinking someone comes along with a better idea about drinking
That's two mile stones in one shot. A ginger and that's my third ashley.
Dude you made a rodeo shot in beer pong won the game then got in the hot tub poured beer all over the side and screamed "hot tub time machine!"...
This hangover makes more sense now
Think about if the incredible hulk and king kong had a retarded baby. That's the sound she made in my ear the entire time I fucked her.
The last thing I remember was doing a line in the shape of Texas
Just traded the drive-through guy at BK a Dos Equis for a Hershey pie before noon... win?
I feel like as your wife, as cool with your decision-making skills as I usually am, there should be a bigger explanation to you adopting a child while I'm in Houston.
Drinking a bawls. If I'm dead when you get home, yes, they are poisoned.
Drive by water balloon fight on $500,000 boats ended when someone threw a dildo
Interesting. All i can really say is humanoid shaped doritos bags melting very slowly
Well that's very sweet of you. I have a strange feeling you're going to regret this when you sober up.
NO REGRETS FUCK DA POLICE
Found Ryan’s keys in the fridge. On my way back.
Also, tell him he missed Nathan passing out in the dryer.
Randomize
