U know those big foam mats in the back gym for track?
ya, gonna go have sex there?
No I want one to have wings and pick me up and take me home
Dude dan is so baked he taped his remote to the futon so he couldn't lose it again. Come over here
I know i should have focused more on what you were saying in the text rather than the fact you spelt "suicidal" wrong
I could tell by the Randy 'Machoman' Savage "hey brother" that you were beyond inebriated
does it count as a threesome if she tried to blow the dude who was passed out next to us?
Let's go get our ovaries removed together. It'll be like bonding by getting mani/pedis, but with more vicodin and less unwanted pregnancies.
Having him as a wingman is like telling the girl you already have aids
We hotboxed his closet and accidentally lit some of his shirts on fire... do we have a fire extinguisher?
He didn't call me beautiful but he came in less than five minutes so same thing, right?
I would reevaluate a bf who is happy with other guys doing me.
you're hired as official boob wrangler
Well statistically J has a 1 in 3 chance of hospitalization when downtown
And a 3 for 3 for disapeearing
I'm still not 100% sure who I'm sleeping with
We just finished having sex and as soon as we get out of bed he yells "trust fall" and runs me over
TSA found the edibles
Fuck
Oh my god he just. Swiped them for explosives and handed them back to me
God bless California
Randomize
