I didn't shave. On purpose
everytime someone famous vagina shows up in pics, i have to go check my own vagina to make sure mine dont look all wrinkledy and flabby like that....i want my lips plump and succulent
he wanted to have sex on the little rocking chair but i was too high to figure out how to do that so we did it on the floor.
i just turned the eviction notice into a beer pong list
literally the only thing you kept saying was "i wish i had a beer keg vending machine that accepted hugs as payment" and everytime you said it you rubbed the urn her grandmother's remains were in
Just took 11th shot of tequila. I may puke in my bear head.
I'm pretty sure you called me last night and screamed that she was force-feeding you a bagel.
Not gonna lie i was comfortable between the allsups air conditioners while you were talking to the cop.
I love being Chipotle's first beer sale of the morning.
Your CAR. Is in a LAKE. I'd say "a big mess" is a pretty conservative description of the situation.
You're an asshole. I don't want your dick as my background. I'll look like I have a thumb fetish.
The other day I was really high and I felt like my words were coming out of my mouth in flowers...I don't know.
all we have is white fucking wine this is a travesty it's christmas not a fucking funeral
I'm not sure when I will get off this toilet at work but it's not looking promising
I just don't know how to say "I want to have sex you with before you graduate" in a classy way
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