Come on, it shouldn't be that hard NOT to suck someone's dick
Oh god. It's my first day here, I'm still drunk and somebody just drifted in a forklift. I'm going to die.
Her face was so far in my boobs, I didn't think she'd make it out. She took it like a man. She's a real trooper.
#1 RULE OF DRINKING: DELETE YOUR EX'S NUMBER FROM YOUR PHONE
Second wind. Either that or my heart is about to explode. I'm hoping the first one.
Peeing off the roof of a motel lighting a cigar with matches and speaking fluent spanish with a chilen exchange student...how do iget into these situations?
He really thought ahead and just left the tequila in the mail box for late night pickup. Best. Friend. Ever.
I'm getting the lip of my vagina pierced & you expect ME to be the voice of reason?
I apologize in advance for the amount of cleavage I'll be exposing your boyfriend to.
i thought this was a perfectly normal conversation between two adult men about why this children's cartoon is quality television but no you just gotta be talking shit again
Do you think if I had a tempurpedic bed he would still be able to feel me fingering myself after we have sex?
Do I masturbate or eat a pound of matazah. Alissa help what do I do??
My life. Always pantsless and occasionally topless.
We are totally like Jim and Pam, except ya know, drunk and not together anymore.
I am far too sober to understand you right now. sorry.
Randomize
