He spent most of his night trying to convince people that he had changed and was no longer a sleazebag...he had his nut hanging out of his pants about an hour later.
Hahaha I asked him about her bjs and he said "I would not wish that on anyone"
No, she passed out instead. I have the worst luck, its like Jesus is mad at me for having the same birthday as him
We literaly had to peel your fingers off the jose cuervo bottle and lock it in someones room
Can I come take down that wallpaper yet? I stopped seeing that dude and I need to occupy my time with something besides getting drunk at bingo night and cussing out old people. Also, i'm not sure on the legal stipulations but I might have, unintentionally, committed grand theft auto at some point.
I need more social interactions that don't involve sex
On the food pyramid big dick are "sometimes foods"
WHY DO I KEEP FINDING CHICKEN THROUGHOUT THE HOUSE? GET YOUR ASS HOME NOW!
I'm filtering his penis picture so I can see it better
YOU JUST GOT OUT OF THE HOSPITAL AND YOU'RE ALREADY DRINKING?!
I accidentally sent a snap of my puss with the Republican filter... Totally killed his boner
I feel worse lying to the guy I hooked up with than I actually do for cheating on my bf
I think I left my thong in your bed. Careful. It has the power to destroy the agitator on a washing machine
We were totally high while having sex, I told him fast or slow, just follow your balls. That was a show stopper.
That's good. So do you know why there is a giant pile of old tires in the laundry room and kitchen?
Well we knew you needed some tires, found someone on the way home who was giving them away and took them all. Has to be 4 in there you can use.
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