Why do guys in porn never have boxers on?
better question: why do you always text me when you're watching porn
I just took boredom to a whole new level. I just auto-tuned and remixed today's western civ lecture
Cool, so I just walked in on my grandfather checking his prostate in the kitchen.
At the pride parade. It's not even noon and I'm drunk as shit... for equality of course
There should be a blender full of rum, tea, and grape jelly in the freezer. She thought it was a good idea until she blew chunks.
i woke up to the sound of my dad getting blown. this is my life
I had a guy present me his prison release form this morning as id
Fixing to yell "you're too hot for her" at a Gerard butler look alike. There is absolutely no way this is going to end well...
i think i traded my wallet for a tim hortons gift card.
Dude that soap I drank last night is fucking killing me.
Lmao I should put that ad on Craigslist "in need of muscular and determined team of men to carry drunken birthday whore safely home"
Kings cup with teenagers tonight
Done deal
Nice. I got home at like 3am.stopped at Walmart for a vacuum and weirdly a trash can. Not sure why high me last night needed a new trashcan.
I’ve developed a strange interest in ear wax removal vids on YouTube. Dear god, I need to get a job
I'm licking blood from my knuckles and I still haven't found my car keys..are you in town tonight?
Randomize
