The maid of honor just puked.
**i WaNt TO sLaP mY niECe wHO ThINks iT iS cUte tO WriTE LiKE tHiS**
How am I supposed to spread my seed with you "modern women" and your birth control?
I wish I could google chicago male strippers on my work computer but I don't feel like talking to HR today
i just saw someone crawling up the stairs to the dorm while screaming "i have the best vagina!"
We're playing Edward Bottle-of-eight-dollar-sale-wine-hands now
Honestly, it was easier to just put it in my mouth than to deal with an awkward conversation.
I am 100% positive that I have seen a porno that was shot in this bar.
The bridesmaid just threw up on herself. This is going to be the best wedding ever
Had to. She was getting married in 2 days & her vag was having a close out sale. You know I love a good bargain.
THE BIG GAY MAD HATTER IS HERE AND HE HAS DRUGS IN HIS PANTS FOR YOU. COME DOWNSTAIRS BITCHEZZZZ
He did a 4 wheel burnout and yelled at the cops "Sorry! It's for a school project!". HOW does he think of this shit?
It's just one of those nights that , as long as you have the drugs, everything is going to be alright.
She's currently doing somersaults across the kitchen floor without underwear on. We may not make it to the bar.
If I end up in the hospital remind me to order jimmy johns.
Why?
They deliver.
Randomize
