I have a hot bod, but my face sucks, what can i do?
It's official, my little sister has hooked up with more girls than I have.
Mattress luging...It's a long story.
You skyped me last night to show me the girl passed out on your bed.
Thanks for putting pants on me last night. And for calling me a princess.
Turns out I was the only one drinking. I broke one guy's bed and kicked another in the face. Then when an RA came by I shouted to let him in he's gonna find the vodka anyway. Great night
My liver just had a heart attack.
He started to lick a stick of butter and was calling it Jennifer.
You're an independent woman who is defined by her own actions and not by whether or not you have a man. You also have great tits.
I feel like we need to find him and explain that if the two of them would just fuck he'd understand.
He got you flowers. How bad can the sex really be?
He smoked and I was tired so left before we did anything. I literally left him high and dry.
She fucked my eyebrows.. I've never had that done before.
Wait... Plucked, or Fucked?
Fucked, but I understand your need to clarify
I remember turning to Jon after doing a line of coke and saying "I was a Girl Scout"
woke up with a tree in my apartment. also the everclear bottle is suspiciously low
suspiciously? i think one of those explains the other
Randomize
