Also, just saw a kid in a gorilla costume being questioned by a boardwalk cop. I love ocean city.
In case you were wondering, my scare crow is wearing your outfit from last night.
I'm handcuffed to your bathroom sink. Save me.
I repeat the shot was ON FIRE. I am never going to a pirate bar again.
Sry I came all over your dress. Think of it as a Vegas souvenir.
I'm going on a new diet. It's called the "eat healthy otherwise boys won't want to have sex with your fat ass" diet. Wish me luck.
How's my date look?
Like a retarded elf
In a good way
She stopped laughing and kind of stared at the wall for a while. Then she did 3 somersaults and said she saw jesus. This weed is fucking fantastic.
Fucked her on the patio while some dude drove by on a mower. He waved. Twice.
I saw seagulls fucking earlier today. What have you done with your life recently?
I'm just wondering how Jon managed to get vomit ON THE CEILING?
I mean, he'll either figure it the fuck out or set my apartment on fire. Either way, it will be entertaining.
I was sitting here smiling wondering why i'm so fucking happy at work. cookie has kicked in
Honey you are a beautiful woman but I came over to eat your pizza and fuck your brother. And you're out of pizza.
I walked in on my sister eating my leftover burrito naked. How could my night have gotten any worse?
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