He's married, but his wife isn't my neighbor so I don't feel bad about coveting him.
Get condoms and clear your schedule for the night. I'm bringing chinese food!
Note to self: Not getting laid all weekend makes girls in mondays classes racks seem enormously bigger.
he is a creepy guy.
yea thats what heroine does to ppl.
I thought about donating plasma but thats not the way i want to find out that i have aids
Im so tired of dysfunctional exs fucking up my relationships with future dysfunctional exs
I can honestly say I've never had orange soda poured on my vagina before, that's a story for the grand kids
Can I get a "hallelujah" for railing my pastors daughter last night?
So that wine I told you about is vile...
That the stuff you brewed in your dorm closet? Are you actually going to drink it?
Yup. It's drinkable. Might go blind, but I've got to use my chemistry minor for something.
Basically taped my dick down because it's too obvious in this costume...
GETTING HORNY AT RANDOM IS REALLY FUCKING INCONSIDERATE.
Went to 7-11 to buy condoms with the $20 I found on the ground outside Rite Aid. A good day for drug stores
I may or may not have tried to give myself a lobotomy
He fed me Girl Scout cookies while I was still tied up...what did I do right?
These tits shall not be calmed
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