I think someone spiked my drink last night. .. Like all 20 of them.
dude you made out with his girlfriend and stole his credit card to buy more drinks
well when you put it that way, I sound like a terrible person
i swear to god her finding her clit was like looking for a sock in a dryer full of beach towels
I was giving him head and when I deep throated him he screamed out "Ohh, top ten!"
They called security on the security guard who tried to break up the party in their suite. You tell me how drunk they were.
I hope making "real" money at your "real" job is worth it because you totally missed beer and dorrito mac n cheese tuesday.
I'm really starting to miss his dick. Like so much I'm actually tempted to try and work things out with him again.
If it's any consolation, your boobs looked awesome.
I will pray to the gods of eye bleach for you
It feels like eating ice cream while riding a unicorn over a rainbow waterfall made of glitter.
That is possibly the gayest thing that was ever thought of by anyone anywhere.
He could only go twice. I need a guy with more stamina and is less married
If you come home to me in lingerie and you start vacuuming...I need to reevaluate my priorities
why the hell did we go to a rave last night?
we didn't?
definitely went to a bar with strobe lights
JENNIFER. You passed out in a toilet with a color changing light in it.
also, my mom just called to make sure the dick tattoo on your arm was fake..
WAIT this kid is eating yogurt with a fucking ladle. what is happening?
Randomize
